Everytime Jack Bauer smiles, a terrorist loses his balls

If Jack Bauer were gay, he would be Chuck Norris

Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.

Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a fucking terrorist.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you with the pillow.

When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack found it and put it back.

When life hands Jack Bauer Lemons, he kills Terrorists. Jack Bauer fuckin' hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

As a boy, Jack Bauer interrogated his parents on Easter until they revealed the location and contents of each hidden egg.

After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.

Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world... five seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!"

On Jack Bauers Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependants.

Jack Bauer has no friends, because as a child when he would play cops and robbers, the robbers would all be interogated and killed.

If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.

There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."

On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.

Don't ever ask Jack Bauer what is going on. He'll explain in the car.

Men are ok with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer during sex; because they are doing the same thing.

My parents told my little brother and I that Jack Bauer was "just a television character". We are now orphans.

The answer is Jack Bauer, the question doesn't matter.

During the commercials, Jack Bauer calls the CSI detectives and solves their crimes

Ain't no feeling like being free
When your mind's made up
And your hearts in the right place, yeah
Ain't no feeling like being free
When you've done all you could
But what's misunderstood
(It's all good, it's all good)
Ain't no feeling like being free
I'm like an eagle set free
And finally I'm looking out for me
Ain't no feeling like being free
Cause my minds made up
And my heart is in the right place, yeah

Hold 'em up, wait a second
I got to get something off my chest
My happiness was our happiness, I lived and breathed
You and all your needs
Let me speak, it's best I do what's best for me
Now ladies, ladies
I got my mind back
I been there and done that (no looking back no)
Oh, this time is for me
If you been doing you
I'm going to do me
I'M FREE

Time is of the essence
And it's much too short to waste another minute on you
While you steady trying to hide
I'm packing saying bye

No it ain't easy being left out
Or being forgotten about
You don't deserve my love
I've had enough set me free

Can I get some loving
Can I get some time
Loving in the morning
And in the midnight hour
I gave you everyting you wanted
I gave you everything you needed
But you just didn't do right
So baby now I'm leaving
It feels good to be free


What an amazing song... I'm in love with it.

Sammy Jo you're so blonde and bootayfull! Well had a good night last night, wasn't it just so good to dance! Made up for not gettin to the gym yesterday lol. Those poles drive me crazy with some drink.. How funny are neds tryin to be sexy lol it doesn't work, but it does provide entertainment!

Decided I'm going to be a stripper after I graduate. And move to Glasgow to meet some cool people, get a funky penthouse flat. And a cat. The thought of dwelling in Livingstonia for the rest of my years is enough to make me sick. Don't get me wrong.. I love you, but it's not you, it's me...

Oh yeah and I'm single! Woooyay for that. I'm such a SPAZtic but it's all over now.

So long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Good-bye!