This Is a very positive and helpful place thankyou =)

Stacey xx <3

Carla...lol if only I have the money to open up MEB...everyone i tell they are like thats alot of money your talking...like just now I told my supervisor...because Im depressed and pissed off im not getting any work...I told him all about MEB...he was like thats alot of money i said yes millions...im only at this job for the experience and the money...im not there for the brand and to spend my life working there...even if the bonus' and insentives and staff discounts are attractive...

You know I want my own pigs on the farm lol...we will have to learn to not get attached to them and teach ourselves they are being killed for food...for love...lol..I cant remember when I had some ham or bacon..see what happens I havent been at work to have that mountain of ham they put out...

I havent passed my exams...ive finished them...dont know the results yet...but ive got paper work to fill to have a special pass..

Ive had similar...my doctor said my depression was a teen thing and I would out grow it by the time I hit 20..Im 23 now...and its still there...I ended up changing GPs to someone else...who treated me...he's very good...most poeple I talk to tell me to dispose of him..because they dont believe in all this depression stuff and that they only make it up to get more money...but that isnt true...those people dont live with it..so they dont know what its like...its like your a puppet on strings and the depression and stuff is the puppetier...(sp??)...its hard to cut the strings...

[continued]

people at work were being stupid and i was in a bad mood. i suppose telling the assistant manager to shove it isn't a good idea huh?

surprisingly, my counselour told me about the writing out all the good things that happened thing and how much it helps her. it's really hard to stay positive when my best friend isn't here to help me. i knew i was mildly depressed before, but my friend dying kinda accelerated it.

i've had 6 therapists. only one of them's helped at all, and that wasn't much. i'm just not a therapy sort of person, i think. i'm hoping, since this is a new doctor, he'll be more willing to help me try different things.

and today wasn't the best day, but it wasn't horrible either. and it feels good to vent and get all this crap off my chest.

thank you very muchly. you've helped me a lot. :]

hope everyone is doing good.

have some love

wow, lots to reply to.

yeah, i should have stopped talking to him. it's just really hard to, cuz we're both really good friends with the same person, so i have to see him ALL the time. and he's kinda irresistable, :], so it's hard for me to let him completely go.

and my doctor's a idiot. he thinks that my depression's a temporary thing. i haven't had a prefessional diagnosis for almost 3 years, but I'm pretty damn sure it's chronic. he's not my normal doctor, so that probably has something to do with it.

My girlfriend and i are going through a really rough patch. i think we almost broke up last night. i had a panic attack and had to lock my self in my room to stop me from doing something stupid like si or suicide.
the thing is i really love her and i don't know what to do. Im just glad that even after all that ive still been si free for almost a month =]

Bronwyn

[4 days ago]
Oh Bee honey! So many things seem to go wrong for you darl, I think you should just wash your hands with all of it and go and set up your own restaurant somewhere with no one to bother you and serve bacon with every meal lol.
*hugs* Not sure what to say sweetie, you know I’m here if you need me though
***
[1 day ago]
Congratulations on passing your exam Bee, your doing so well in the face of all the pooey things that have been happening *hug* Bloody ex’s! as I said to ‘Living for myself’ I do wish you’d all bin them for good, they cause nothing but bother! Well done for staying strong and not cutting though honey, you’re very strong, your lecturer sounds lovely to (:
Stay strong
Take care
- C
x

Hippiechick

[1 week ago - sorry for late reply]
Thanks for the information, is there a website or anything with more information about this project?
- C
X

ClayCannibal

[1 week ago - sorry for late reply]
Is there anything I can do?
Please feel free to email me.
x-carla-x@live.co.uk
- C
X

Elephant Girl

[1 week ago - sorry for late reply]
I’m sorry thing have been so hard for you, we’ve all had our relapses but don’t give up.
Here if you need me, please don’t hesitate to email.
x-carla-x@live.co.uk
Thoughts are with you
- C
X

Living for myself

[2 weeks ago - sorry for late reply]
I understand what you are saying, its really hard to ‘move on’ but keep all the memories and hold on to all the stuff you need to. I empathise entirely with what you say about a good day turning sour, it just happens that way some times but we have to try to learn to move on from a bad patch and not see it as an entirely bad day. When you feel you are having a bad day try to take a moment out to write about all the good things that have happened, even if they are very small. For example; ‘it’s a sunny day’ ‘I wore my favourite shoes’ ‘Eastenders was good’ …it sounds like a silly thing to do but…
[continued below]

[continued from above]
when I was in recovery it helped me snap out of that ‘its been such an awful day, I’m having an awful life’ mode - its sort of like weighing the good against the bad.
I know its not easy though but maybe its worth a try, along with contacting cruse.
Whatever you decide to do, good luck and remember I’m always available.
x-carla-x@live.co.uk
***
[1 week ago]
Why was today a bad day? Do you want to talk about it?
***
[2 days ago]
My school councillor was the first to say I had depression, that first diagnosis is a blessing…
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[continued from above]
and a curse, I thought I was going mad before I was told I had depression so it was half a relief, it was also half a curse though because I couldn’t ignore it any more, it was ‘official’ so to speak. It did lead to treatment though and ultimately recovery so I cant see it as all bad. For all I know I could be in the same place I was five years ago if it wasn’t for that.
If you feel anti depressants wont/aren’t working for you then I suggest you speak to your…
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[continued from above]
councillor and doctor about alternatives.
***
[17 hrs ago]
Friendships with ex’s are always complicated. Unless you have a really good reason for speaking to him then I would suggest you stopped communication. No one has the right to call you such awful things and you should have washed your hands of him the instant your….
[continued below]

[continued from above]
relationship ended. I know its not easy but life’s to short to waste your time trying with people who don’t truly care for you.
As for anti depressants and I said previously, seek alternatives. In regards to therapy stick with it for as long as you can and if its really not working then try a different therapist. I had around five and they all had different methods, styles and techniques - some of which I hated and some that worked.
Good luck
*hugs*
- C
X

Tainted love

[2 weeks ago - sorry for late reply]
Thanks love, bless ya (:
Glad to hear you are doing well, if you need anything drop me a line.
*hug*
- C

Anna

[2 weeks ago - sorry for late reply]
I’m so glad to see you are safe and well. Things like that are utterly terrifying but you’re completely right they do change your outlook and make you appreciate things more. Was anyone hurt? *lots of hugs*
Stay safe
- C
Ps - Thanks for the skin comment.

me and my ex have been....i don't know. one day, we're cool, the next he's calling me a whore. it's WTF.

and yeah. i hate anti-depressants. and i hate therapy. i can't pour my soul out to some stranger.

and congrats on completing your exam! =]

Hugs to you Crawling.....Ive just completed my last exam at uni, and my ex partner had a big fight with me...and i had a complete break down...I was so close to cutting again...I was fully prepared to distroy two and half years of not SI right then and there. My lecturer came out and talked to me, removed me and put me in a room by myself...extended time given. I have to apply for a special pass....the heads of my school want me to get councelling - but I wont because Im just not interested in talking to more people about my past..

Cont - Ive resently had a relapse in my depression - there is a test my doctor does on me regularlly. A series of questions that tells you the level of depression and what treatment is best..I was at a high level just resently and was to go on meds but my doctor knows that I dont like taking them..

He knows that I am aware of the triggers and knows that once those things have been eliminated I will come right again....and Im almost there :p

There are other ways around having to take meds - exercise is a big one that i have been told to do...and diet too...