Kyle Is Better Than You
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männlich, 19,
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- Ich bin Verheiratet
- Mitglied seit: May 2005
- Zuletzt aktiv: 1 Stunde her
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- Motto
- ALL BETS ARE OFF TEALEAF.
- Ich über mich
- My name's Kyle Joseph Magnus Walker, and I'm a journalist in training. Dear God.
Most of my time at the moment is taken up by University or work. Both are necessary evils, alas. xD
I'm a member of RoGUES, the Robert Gordon's University drama society. I'm doing it for the Discworld. For the purposes of method acting, you shall call me Carrot for the rest of the year. =O
BTW, I enjoy gin. Feel free to throw rocks at me.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK-
You only get three!
lovelifelove
BTW, I married Kate. xD
~Kay DoubleYou
- Aural Sex
- Smashing Pumpkins, Tool/A Perfect Circle/Puscifer, System of a Down, Dresden Dolls/Amanda Palmer, Crystal Castles, Florence and the Machine, Bright Eyes, Lady GaGa
- Televisual Entertainment
- I religiously watch Doctor Who, with the old ones I'm just starting to get into properly. Other vices include Mock the Week (although now Frankie's gone...D=), Spaced, Scrubs and Black Books. Anything that makes me smile, really.
- Cinematics
- Not really much of a film nut, tbh...however, I do enjoy Pirates of the Caribbean, Battle Royale and Snakes on a Plane. Because with the latter, who doesn't? MOTHERFUCKER.
- The Joy of Text
- I fanwank over Discworld. Nuff said.
- The Divine Comedy
- I absolutely adore stand-up comedy. My favourites will always be Eddie Izzard, Bill Hicks and Dylan Moran, although I also enjoy Bill Bailey, Charlie Brooker, Dara O' Brien, Frankie Boyle, Russell Howard, Tim Minchin, Russell Brand and Greg Davies.
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- BTW
- One day I will have Florence Welch's legs wrapped around my face.
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Kyle Tells It How It Is
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TeamGingavitus
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Woolmanhill0910
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The Real Falcon Square
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Falcon Square
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The Morrisons Party Boat
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The Kilvas Army of Assassins
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PostSecret
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inverness and highland parties
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Rita You Sex Beast
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Pokèmon gota catch em all
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The Market Bar - Inverness
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The City Bar
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Cyanide and Happiness
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The do what you want group
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bebo stunners
schließen Blog
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Kyle Tells It How It Is Vol 4
Hello, and welcome to Kyle Tells It How It Is, the frequently updated (pfft) outlet for my rants and moans about shit that pisses me off. In the last one, we looked at the advent of the steam engine. Or we might as well have, considering how fucking long it's been since the last one.
Anyway, this one shall be covering vampires:
Kyle Tells It How It Is Volume 4: Vampires
"I know what you are."
"Say it. Say it out loud."
"Fucking WHINY VIRGIN."
Vampires! Those mysterious black clad shits are everywhere these days, with the advent of Twilight and the Vampire Chronicles and Vampires Rock! and anything even remotely likely to sell to fat socially-inept teenagers who wish they could stay at home during the day so they don't get their innards pulped in by popular sport-playing morons day after day after painful day.
Of course, despite their hopes and dreams, vampires are nothing more than mythical creatures. And like myths, they have evolved over time and space. So I think before we start to look indepth as to why they're popular, we have to look at a history of vampiric lore. Or, to put it in a less douchebag way:
Kyle's Super Fantastic Guide To Sexy Fanged Pimps
Vampires as a general myth is actually fantastically old, with reports going back as far as the Mesopotamians, an Arabic culture widely regarded as the cradle of civilisation. They had a large number of myths revolving around the bloodsuckers, including the Babylonian demon Lilitu, now known in popular culture as Lilith, one of the ultimate superbitches of Judaism and Christianity.
However, ancient myths were incredibly dull, mostly because there was no sex involved, so they didn't really have a Babylonian equivalent of Edward Cullen.
Vampires were simply regarded as evil shits until the 19th Century, when a story was published. It may completely bore your tits off to know that the first story that sexed up vampirism wasn't actually Bram Stoker's Dracula, but a short story called "The Vampyre" by John William Polidori. The story revolves around a vampire called Lord Ruthven, a mysterious individual who goes around shagging and killing a number of members of the high society.
Dracula of course remains the one we all know and love today. Its portrayal of the titular character as a seductive, gentlemanly sort of fellow who has an eye for young maidens' necks is now a staple of the classic vampire genre, and the character of Dracula inspired about eight million movies, some of which are actually quite good. In particular, Gary Oldman's portrayal of Dracula has become a classic villain, even though he had to act next to the plank of wood that is Keanu Reeves.
There was also a rise during the 20th Century of vampire lesbian movies, all of which were obviously full of creative integrity and not just exploitative shit designed as wank material for vaguely gothic men.
And then something changed. An authoress by the name of Anne Rice released a book called Interview With The Vampire, a book widely regarded as a classic by anyone remotely into vampires. In it, a vampire called Louis is interviewed, making the name delightfully appropriate.
Of course, there's more to the story than that. Louis tells a tragic tale of his turning by sexy pimpmeister Lestat, his homoerotic exploits with said pimpmeister, and just generally being an emo dick.
I'm going to be blunt here. I am not a fan of Interview With The Vampire, although I can appreciate the things it does right. In particular, the character of Claudia, a six year old girl turned into a vampire by Lestat and forced to stay that same age while her mind ages into an intelligent and forthright woman is a fantastically creepy idea. And its portrayal of homosexuality is groundbreaking. Remember of course this book came out in the 80s, a time where AIDS was being blamed on it and Section 28 in Britain was working to outlaw it This made it surprisingly daring and su10 Kommentare 2 Tage
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A couple of extracts from the next edition of Kyle Tells It How It Is
It's been a while (as in, a whole fucking year and a lot), but I'm writing another one. And I'm possibly thinking of making this one a short film, as a little project in filmography and broadcast journalism.
In the meantime, have a couple of little extracts from what is going to be the longest and (hopefully) best one yet: a dissection on vampires, the popularity of vampires and Twilight.
= = =
Vampires! Those mysterious black clad shits are everywhere these days, with the advent of Twilight and the Vampire Chronicles and Vampires Rock! and anything even remotely likely to sell to fat socially-inept teenagers who wish they could stay at home during the day so they don't get their innards pulped in by popular sport-playing morons day after day after painful day.
= = =
There was also a rise during the 20th Century of vampire lesbian movies, all of which were obviously full of creative integrity and not just exploitative shit designed as wank material for vaguely gothic men.
= = =
The reason I prefer Angel's brand of whinybitchism over, for example, Louis's is because, while you feel that Louis is just generally a fucknut, Angel has a genuinely depressing list of things to atone for. When he was Angelus, the soulless evil badass version of Angel, he racked up a deathtoll the size of a small continent, committed acts of unspeakable torture, and inflicted the quite shit English accent of Drusilla upon an unsuspecting audience.
= = =
Twilight, the first book in the series, sees author Stephenie Meyer write a book about what she wishes her high school days were like. The main character is Isabella Swann, who moves to the fictional town of Forks, Michigan where she gets a pickup truck. Apparently she's either very attractive or the men of Forks have a massive fetish for pickups, because every boy in the new High School she attends immediately wants to stick their dicks in her.
= = =
The main problem in this book is escalation. Both Bella and Edward become even more selfpitying, and it's difficult to feel sympathy for Bella about the whole thing because...well, she's an absolute bitch in this book. When she's not doing lifethreatening things to feel "closer" to Edward, she's leading Jacob on like a lamb to the slaughter. Edward's too much of a whiny shit to care about anymore, and Jacob's like a docile puppy. Which is hysterical because he's a werewolf, so you should all be pissing yourselves right about now.8 Kommentare 9 Tage
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SAYONARAFEST
HAY KIDS. DO YOU LIKE NIGHTS OUT?
Then you better swing yer ass through to the Ness on Saturday 12th September for a night of fun, frivolity andfuckingfabulous banter.
We'll be meeting at about seven o'clock at the good old fashioned Kings Highway (Wetherspoons for those of you who don't work there), and taking it from there. Ideally we'll all end up absolutely wankered, found in the morning headfirst in a bin.
Alas, 18 and over only.
Leave us a comment here saying if you wish to come along and say your tearful farewells to me.2 Kommentare 96 Tage
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Do you like the music of Showaddywaddy?
- Gunfire
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- Mr Bond, have you ever kissed a man?
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Self Portraits
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Kyle and Friends
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Kyle and Friends: Part MOAAAAAR?
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My Chummy Chum Chums
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Tales of Aberdonia
(6)
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The Mighty Boxman
(3)
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Spoons Banter, LOL. (Friday 17th October)
(16)
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Jose's Birthday And Emilie's Return
(14)
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Rise of the Machines (Fraser's Birthday)
(49)
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Rise of the Machines 2 (More of Fraser's birthday)
(4)
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Kyle and Andreas Go To Town (Saturday 29th November)
(18)
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Friday the 16th: Slightly Less Scary Than The 13th
(46)
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Friday the 30th: Pay Weekend Banter
(49)
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Friday the 30th: Pay Weekend Banter Pt II.
(28)
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Little fish in the Glasgow (The Mighty Boosh)
(21)
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Good Times At Work (Saturday 7th February)
(48)
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The February Pay Weekend Extravaganza
(47)
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Kylefest
(15)
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Photo Edits Of Lulz
(1)
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The Kyle and Richy Alcohol Show
(3)
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Good Times In The Market Bar
(21)
schließen Weltempfänger
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schließen Kommentare
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Pamela Watt14 Stunden herhey, ure the random i met at bassment through james aint ya? lol. hows it going?x
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Natalie M4 Tage herhey hun let me no next time you are free we should meet up for a drink or some thing we didnt get to talk last time xxxx
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4 Tage her
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4 Tage her
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5 Tage her
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1 Woche her
via Handy
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2 Wochen her
Raralara
Leona lewis is doing the theme song for the next final fantasy game. Will you join me in murdering whoever came up with that idea?
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2 Wochen her
via Handy
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4 Wochen her
via Handy
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Lewis.4 Wochen herAnd if you agree with that
You'd sing me passages from the Qur'an
Wearing nothing but a bob the builder hat
To the tune of Waltzing Matilda
I just love the combination
OF ISLAM, NATIONALISM AND BUILDAAAAAA -
Lewis.4 Wochen herOMG you like Tim Minchin? Awesome
Love is not all wine and roses, sometimes it's handcuffs and cheese..
Yeah. Ok. =) -
Mark Phinn5 Wochen herKyle . . . i have been expecting you dear.
how are ya honey? miss you -
Raralara5 Wochen herNo, but I win 100 gil and a pheonix down
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Raralara5 Wochen herThen it would seem my work is done
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Raralara5 Wochen herTEMPTATION
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Raralara5 Wochen herJUST GIVE IN
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Raralara5 Wochen herGIVE INTO TEMPTATION
*evil* -
Andreas Aridas5 Wochen heram goin as the hitcher haha
! wt bout u? sound,il gues il phone u after then lol shud b an epic night
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O'Couture5 Wochen hernull
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5 Wochen her via Handy
Fiona
lol,nope erins on.im bored.got an interview tomorow,better iron the white shirt
lol.i just realised,iv being lying in the same place for hours now.cant be assed.what you up to?
















.x
Beat me, beat me with your ridin' stick, beat me!
Ultimate HorrorGoat 0 AntwortenI told you I was no good at surprises.
Emilie 0 Antwortenn_n