“Is there a pause button?”

~ Oscar Wilde on Halo

“In Soviet Russia, Jesus plays You!”

~ Russian Reversal on Halo

Halo is arguably the greatest game on the planet, yes it is! But the actual components of the game are shrouded in mystery, but I found them yesterday on top of my phonebook. The majority of gameplay revolves around defeating a group who calls themselves the Covenant. They are based on the covenant that God made with chuck norris and brad pitt after the invention of Indian Peoples' Accents, with the promise that he would never create such a usefull corn distribution system again. Using the control stick, players move their characters around looking for sinners, like baby rapists, methodists, and people that enjoy good jazz music. When they do find the sinners, they have one of two options. The first is to perform a series of "good deeds" to help deal with the sins. For example, if the players see a man listening to jazz music, he can sit down and talk to the man to try to help him understand why what he is doing is wrong, and show him how all the answers he needs can be found in the Bibleor the game manual. The person is converted when he decides to dedicate his soul to organized religion. The second option is to simply stone the sinners to death using the A button (Note: can only be done when the player is not sinning e.g. Godmodeing). The Wii version was remade to include a Realstone option, and this is activated by swinging the controller to throw rocks at the sinner. The Pees also has a remake that enables you to to charge up and call on the power of god to drop rocks at random locations. Points are then awarded for how quickly the player can kill the sinner. When the person finally dies, a little icon appears showing their soul's being tortured in the fires of Hell.

As the plot progresses, the player receive either Halo points from Jesus for redeeming sinners or Demon points from Satan for pwning their heathen asses instead. At the end of the game, four angels, known as the Four Runners come to take the player to purgatory. If the player has amassed enough Halo points, they go to heaven. If not, they go to hell. If sent to hell, the game's programming will be altered to become DDR: Sonny and Cher's greatest hits, or alternatively, the sound of balloons being rubbed against a very angry pig. The latter is considered the more pleasant of the two.
[edit] Sequels

RYEE has announced that a sequel, "Halo 2: Combat Intelligently Designed" will be released for players who were sent to hell and want to stop dancing to the catchy beat of pig-rubbing and Sonny and Cher, also "Halo 3: Combat Quite Clever". Even less information is known about "Halo 2: Combat Intelligently Designed" except the basic plot which consists of Satan feeling sorry for roasting the player in a Sonny and Cher-composed hell and decides to release the player, under the condition that he will serve Satan in spreading his heathen ideas on evolution for all eternity. "Halo 3: Combat Quite Clever" has not been thought through yet, just like the other two games.

Legendary Edition

The Legendary Edition of Halo was released for people who believed that if they spent more on the packaging of the game, they were superior (in the eyes of the Lord). The main problem that gamers had was that the the much publicized 'Legendary Helmet' was no more than a crown of thorns made of some sticks and grass. Then you got put on a cross

Muslim Version

The main difference in the Muslim version is the slightly different storyline. It begins with Osama bin Laden entering in a contact with Jihadists called the Covenant (members of God's warriors). These terrorists are now attempting to destroy all of the people that believe that some suicidal Jew that nailed himself to a tree will save them (instead of our dear Bubba Praise be Upon Him). The entire game, you spend either attempting to blow up as many of these Infidels as possibl

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Electric Guitar: Fender Stratocaster
Effects: Marshall Jackhammer
Marshall Echohead
Marshall Guv'nor Plus
Amp: Vox AD30 (but not quite yet)

Bass Guitar: Fender J-Bass copy
Effects: No, thanks
Amp: Ashdown Perfect Ten