1. On a blanket from Taiwan -
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

3. On a Taiwanese shampoo -
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink -
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

5. On a New Zealand insect spray -
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids -
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FORAPPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END.

9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

10. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

11. On a bag of Fritos -
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)

12. On a bar of Dial soap -
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)

13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)

14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

15. On a Korean kitchen knife -
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
(Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)

16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)

17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious.)

18. On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? Peanuts contain nuts?)

19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)

20. On a Swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)

21. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT
DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

22. On some frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.

23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD.

24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine:
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.

26. On Nightly sleep aid:
WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. (Duh!)

27. On the Burger King advert it says kong ur whopper, well at the bottom it says "not actuall size".

Birthdays (The Most Important Ones)
Janelles 5th - So Cal
My 16th && Party
Sebbys 17th - Party
Joshs 17th - Party
Bridgets 17th - LV
Jasons 17th - Manchester
Alanas 17th - Party
Jesses 17th - London
Liams 18th - Party
Kyles 18th - Party
TTs 18th - Party
Toms 18th - Party && Paris
Ryans 18th - So Cal
Tonys 18th - So Cal
Cassies 18th - London
Vickys 18th - Party
Haileys 18th - Party
Trixies 18th - Party
Carlys 19th - NY
Ians 19th - NY
Nicks 20th - LV
Katies 20th - LV
Tinas 20th - LV
Coops 21st - LV
Jamies 22nd - London
Craigs 22nd - London
Daveys 22nd - Birmingham
MooMoo (Matt) 23rd - Rave
KK Kyles 23rd - So Cal
Olis 23rd - LV

Holidays
America - a gazillion times
DSLA promo
England - 7 times
France
Italy
Germany
Christmas hols
Easter hols
Summer hols
October hols

Giggage
Kerrang Tour
YM@6 - Glasgow
YM@6 - Birmingham
GIAN
TOC
Download
T in the Park
T4 on the Beach
The Prodigy and Dizzie Rascal - Glasgow
FTSK - Tuscon
Camden Crawl
InnerPartySystem - Glasgow
InnerpartySystem - Allentown
The Blackout - Glasgow
Green Day - San Francisco I can now die happy
BMTH - Glasgow
BMTH - London
Green Day - Wembley

Events
FMX - Manchester
Grand National
Kentucky Derby
Perth Gold Cup
British Superbikes Practice - Knockhill
British Superbikes Main - Knockhill
Red Bull x Fighters - Fort Worth
X Games - Staples Center, Home Depot Center
AST Dew Tour - Cleveland
Rockstar Mayhem Fest - Chicago
"Think Big" Demo Derby - Costa Mesa
Knockhill car show
Monster Jam - Stafford Springs
Los Angeles Sol Soccer V Chicago Red Stars - Home Depot Center

All the other crap
New Phone
Switch Sidekick network
Rhinestone new Sidekick
Scaffolding piercing
Anti tragus piercing
3rd lobes piercing
Cartiage piercing
2nd lobes piercing
Extensions x 2
English Exam
German Exam
History Exam
Art Exam

*(`'·.¸(`'·. ¸*¤*¸.·'´)¸.·'´)*
»~:¤.·º`·. GREENDAY .·´º·.¤:~«
*(¸.·'´(¸.·' ´*¤*`'·.¸)`'·.¸) *


_./'\._¸¸.•¤**¤•.¸.•¤**¤•….*
*•. .•**BILLIE JOE !!!!!*..**
/.•*•.\ ¸..•¤**¤•., .•¤**¤•...*

_./'\._¸¸.•¤**¤•.¸.•¤**¤•….*
*•. .•**¤**¤MIKE¤**¤!!!!*..**
/.•*•.\ ¸..•¤**¤•., .•¤**¤•...*

_./'\._¸¸.•¤**¤•.¸.•¤**¤•….*
*•. .•**•¤•¤TRE•¤!!!!!!!*..**
/.•*•.\ ¸..•¤**¤•., .•¤**¤•...*