Abusive Men: Top 10 Ways to Spot an Abusive Man

Abusive men always think there is a reason behind a woman’s actions and her words. They see her as only trying to influence. They rarely look at goodness in her. They frequently suspect her of doing things they are not guilty of and are easily irritated by her, especially when she is in a good mood. These men might feel they love these women but inside they do not “like” them. The most important thing in any relationship is to be respected and liked. Abusive men always want to show her up and put her down. They thrive on making her feel inferior in everything. The object is to tear her down to make her feel weak, insecure and co-dependent. It is a double-edged sword: a no win situation. The woman spends years trying to prove she's not bad but it's useless. No matter what she does, he doesn’t care so it is futile for her to try to prove she is worthwhile. Here are the Top 10 Ways to Spot an Abusive Man.

1. He’s got a history of drug abuse and/or alcohol, and possibly violence.

2. He has record of being arrested for domestic violence. Do your homework and do a background check and search the internet for his name.

3. He has a poor or no relationship with his mother or ex partners.

4. He speaks negatively about all his past relationships, blaming them fully. If at all possible, try to speak to these women to hear their point of view. If he badmouths them, you may be next.

5.He exhibits an over-bearing, aggressive personality. You may be attracted by his apparent confidence, strength, determination and aggressive personality – the kind of qualities you think you lack. However, this personality type can also be a red flag for abusive behavior.

6. He talks at length, bragging about himself. Narcassistic men are famous for abuse because in their mind, they can do no wrong.

7.He expects a big return on his venture. He may seem happy to put your needs and wishes first for a little while, but it will not be long before he throws it in your face by saying: “Look at everything I do for you. You owe me!”

8.The relationship moves forward very quick. Abusive men persuade as fast as they can. They know that they cannot sustain consistent good behavior for very long. Good behavior does not give them the pay off they want, controlling through abuse does.

9. You catch him telling lies. There are areas of his life that he is not telling you about or is lying to you about because he may lose you.

10.He is interested in everything you have to say and coincidentally always agrees. This is a sneaky technique called mirroring and can later be used to control you by developing trust.

Any of the above must be considered an important warning sign. If you hear any alarms going off in your head, listen to them carefully and act on them. An ounce of prevention can prevent a lifetime of heartache.

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About the author:

Dating Expert, Stephany Alexander, B.A., Author, Women's Speaker
Ms. Alexander is the founder of http://www.WomanSavers.com, the world's largest database rating men, one of the most popular women's sites on the net (top 5%) receiving millions of hits per month.
Credentials: Founder - highest trafficked abused women's message board on the net
* Author of 'Sex, Lies and the Internet,' A Survival Guide to Online Dating http://www.sexliesandtheinternet.com
* Author of 50+ relationship articles & 22 quizzes
* Creator of 10 women's comedy cartoon e-cards and 6 online games * Internet Polling Expert surveying over 350,000 women

Ms. Alexander is frequently called on by the media as the nation's leading Dating Expert. Featured on: FOX, CBS Early Show, Mike & Juliet Show, Sirius, KROQ, KIIS, Esquire, Wall Street Journal, NY Times, & countless radio shows.

To interview Ms. Alexander, please email womansavers@womansavers.com

Why Men Cheat: Top 10 Reasons Why Men Cheat
Why men cheat on women is an age-old question. The reasons why men cheat on women can be varied. Nevertheless, we have compiled a list of the top 10 reasons why both married and unmarried men cheat. Sometimes their reasons don’t even involve you and it’s simply an ego-based decision. Other times, reasons why men cheat can involve you and your relationship, or lack thereof.

So why do some men cheat in relationships? Almost all men know that cheating is wrong, yet many they still do it. Men will blame their reasons for cheating on their genes and their necessity to reproduce. However, aren’t we suppose to be further evolved than a chimp? Shouldn’t we be able to control our bodies through our minds and conscious decisions? Apparently not always.

Here are the top 10 reasons why men cheat.

1. Because they had the option. The old saying “men are only as faithful as their options” can sometimes ring true. Men don’t get offered sex as often as women so when the opportunity does arise, it can be very difficult for them to turn it down.
2. It boosts their ego. Sometimes men no longer feel like they are attractive to the opposite sex and when a woman shows some interest, not only does a man react, he may allow her to stroke his ego and more. There is nothing like the thrill of the chase to men on the hunt. When they are finally rewarded for their efforts, their egos swell even larger.
3. You grow apart. Maybe the two of you didn’t have as much in common as you thought. He’s met a woman who has more in common with him who loves football or plays golf. He may check out if he is compatible with her under the sheets also.
4. You argue a lot. Men will sometimes cheat to get away from an overly critical or argumentative partner. Who wants to be around someone who is constantly on them about something.
5. They have fallen out of love. Sometimes men become so comfortable in a relationship, they don’t know how to get out. They may be staying in the relationship because of children or financial reasons. However, they feel like they are missing out on love and may seek it out elsewhere. In their mind, this is as close to win-win as they can get.
6. Your sex life stinks. If a man has a disinterested partner or isn’t getting enough sex to fulfill him, there is a good chance he will have an affair. Just because you have a husband or boyfriend, does not mean you can stop trying. It takes a little bit of effort to keep your sex life from becoming boring and non-existent. Some men cheat because they want to try new sexual things that their current partner will not try.
7. To get revenge. A man will sometimes cheat if he finds out his partner was cheating on him. How else is he supposed to heal those hurt feelings of his but through good old fashioned sex?
8. It’s new, different and exciting. Some men get tired of having steak for dinner every night and want to try a hamburger. The same goes for sex with a woman. That’s why men don’t necessarily always cheat with women who are more attractive than their partners.
9. To see if they can get away with it. If a man has the attitude of “what she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her,” he may cheat to see if he is sneaky and smart enough to get away with it. However, with all the advancement in surveillance spy ware, getting caught has now become easier than ever.
10. Because you have allowed it in the past. If you have forgiven a cheating man a couple of times, they are more than likely going to cheat again because they already know if they plead enough, you will forgive them.

Reasons why men cheat can be more complex than the above list or even be a combination of a few different reasons. Nevertheless, no reason is good enough reason to lie and be dishonest. After all, Karma can be a bitch.

Written by Stephany Alexander, Founder of http://www.WomanSavers.com © an

Safe Online Dating: 10 Tips on How to Date Online Safely

The internet is one of the most dangerous places to meet people because of the ability to hide behind false online profiles. People can say whatever they want so it is up to you to take the time to do your research and investigate a potential partner in order to protect yourself. According to a poll of 2,493 women conducted by http://www.WomanSavers.com, 68% said they google a person’s name before dating, versus only 31% said they did not. The below 10 tips will show you some ways to reduce the risk of online dating.

1. Guard Your Identity: Don’t use your real name on dating profiles, in chat rooms or while instant messaging. Do not post your phone number, address or anything else that may identify you. If you must give out an address, consider getting a P.O. Box.

2. Get an anonymous email account. Some good options for free anonymous email services are gmail, yahoo, hotmail, or hushmail. Some dating websites offer free in-house email accounts so you don’t even need to give out your own email address to correspond.

3. Choose a reputable dating service. Don’t go to a “singles” chatroom where there is no screening whatsoever. Choose a dating site with a long-term reputation like match or e-harmony. Some of these websites allow a completely anonymous technology that helps keep you safer. Some dating sites even have phone services which allow users to talk to each other without giving out their telephone numbers.

4. Take your time. Ask a lot of questions, notice the way the person writes and pay attention. If a person is too pushy or seems to be to eager to meet you quickly, this could be cause for concern. Notice signs of irritability, anger or even people who brag about themselves too much. Ask them out their past relationships. There are two sides to every story so listen carefully when the person answers as to why their last relationship didn’t last.

5. Ask for more than one photo. Some people may be using others photos or very outdated photos. If you are concerned the person in the photo is not who they say they are, ask them to take a quick digital shot holding that day’s newspaper.

6. Keep copies of your correspondence. I can’t stress this enough. If you become a victim of cyber-stalking or have any future problems online, the only way to solve the problems is by having proof. This includes instant messaging.

7. Get a phone number. Try to get the other person’s phone number before you give out your own. When you phone, be sure you block your caller ID. Phone directory assistance to make sure the phone number is legitimate. Follow up by phoning between the hours of 8p-11p. If they always have their phone turned off or an excuse for not answering during these times, you may be dealing with a married or committed person.

8. Block any person who you are unsure of. If you begin to feel uncomfortable or someone is harassing you, don’t hesitate to block and report them.

9. Google their user profile name. Many times people are on multiple dating sites and use the same profile name. If you find this is the case, ask the person if they are only on one dating site and see what they say.

10. Follow your gut instinct. If something doesn’t seem right, it usually isn’t. If the person claims to be a doctor, ask them some medical questions. If they come on too quickly sexually, they are most likely doing that to others, as well as you, at the same time.

The internet can increase your chances of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right but it can also expose you to many dangerous people. However, if you research before you date, you can increase your chances of meeting a safe, trustworthy person and save yourself from getting involved with a potentially dangerous situation.

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© Online Dating Expert, Stephany Alexander, B.A., Author, Women's Speaker

Credentials: Stephany