Bebo

This thing is stupid.
So here you go.

> Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
>He shaves, its the jungle, theres bound to be things he can sharpen to use as a razor.

> Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
> batteries are flat?
>Psychologically, pressing buttons harder creates a feeling of more energy passing through the button to the remote. Humans compensate.

> Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds'
> when they know there is not enough?
>Because it was the banks money to begin with.

> Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
>a) so they look like normal pilots and arn't targeted for being a kamakaze
.b) helmets usually have radcom, so they know what their target is.

> Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
> billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
>Because you CAN check it.

> Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word
> 'lisp'?
> Greeks.

> What is the speed of darkness?
>Negative the speed of light.

> Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby'
> when babies wake up every two hours?
>When babies sleep peacefully, they fucking sleep.

> Are there specially reserved parking spaces for
> 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?
>No. Don't be fucking stupid.

> If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going
> to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
-35.55555555555556 degrees celsius

> Do married people live longer than single ones or does it
> only seem longer?
Statistically, yes.
Single people are generally more prone to adventure, hence risk.

> How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out
> it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Humans look at the bigger problems in life, rather than the little things. Its human nature.
>
> Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put
> money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
To see what the ground looks like from up above real close.
Different perspective, and its cool.
>
>
> Did you ever stop and wonder...... (nope)
>
> Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I
> think I'll squeeze
> these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes
> out?'
Someone obviously dying of thirst, or a beastiallity practiSORus.
>
> Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken
> there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta
> it's bum.'
Eggs have been eaten since the stone age, not just chickens.
And it dosnt come out its arse.
Fuckwit.
>
> Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could
> burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human
> being would eat?
Ever put pop tarts in that long?
yeah.
Toaster isnt just for toast.
>
> Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Light increases temperature in the cooler.
Frezzers keep things frozen, fridges just keep things cold, so they can afford the extra augment of LIGHT!
>
> Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the
> time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where
> the bathroom is?
Because that would be fucking stupid.
What fuckwit came up with thes goram question?
>
> Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room
> when you get undressed if they are going to look up there
> anyway?
Because it makes them feel better and less vulnerable when you have your clothes off to begin with.
Or to fill in a pre-checkup form.

>
> Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
> fours? They're both dogs !
They're not dogs, theyre FUCKING CARTOONS.
>
> If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Testical... hahaha...ahahaha...
>
> If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made
> from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Lots of chemicals, including glycerin and alchohol.
>
> If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come
> from morons?
Nope.
Retard.
i comes from people with morality...
morals.
>
> W

Nine Inch Nails.
Im not paying a fucking extortionate amount to go to T In the Park in Kinross to JUST SEE NIN. They could have played in Glasgow or FUCKING SOMEWHERE!?!
A festival now? Come on, what the fuck is going on? I hope they have more dates for the UK than that pile of crap.
If not...


Looks like im Travelling to Manchester then.
I will go and see them, he could have made it a bit easier for me though... right?



...They're sharing a stage with the TING TINGS!
Come! On!


FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

Cigarettes.
Now.

07707004311



Dont call it, dont text it, you wont get to me

I dont have many contacts, so could you PLEASE leave a PM if you actually care.
Its really upsetting that i've lost ALL my numbers, including a few ones i fought REALLY hard to get.
Thanks to people who cheered me up on MSN.
It helped

Cheers.