Q. What does a chav girl use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.

Q. What do you call a 30 year old chav girl?
A. Granny.

Q. Why did the chav cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason what so ever.

Q. What do you call a chav girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.

Q. If you are driving and you see a chav on a bike, why should you try
not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

Q. What's the first question during a chav quiz night?
A. What you looking at?

Q. Why are chavs like slinkeys?
A. They have no real use, but it is great to watch one fall down a
flight of stairs

Q. Two chavs in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman!

Q. What do you call a hundred chavs at the bottom of the river?
A. A start.

Q. What do you say to a chav with a job?
A. Big Mac please.

Q. What's the difference between a chav boy and a chav girl?
A. A chav girl has a higher sperm count.

Say fuck the police, thats how I treat em
We buy our way out of jail, but we can't buy freedom
We'll buy a lot of clothes when we don't really need em
Things we buy to cover up what's inside
Cause they make us hate ourself and love they wealth
That's why shortys hollering "where the ballas' at?"
Drug dealer buy Jordans, crackhead buy crack
And a white man get paid off of all of that
But I ain't even gon act holier than thou
Cause fuck it, I went to Jacob with 25 thou
Before I had a house and I'd do it again
Cause I wanna be on 106 and Park pushing a Benz
I wanna act ballerific like it's all terrific
I got a couple past due bills, I won't get specific
I got a problem with spending before I get it
We all self conscious I'm just the first to admit it.

You know I - thug em, fuck em, love em, leave em
Cause I don't fuckin need em
Take em out the hood, keep em lookin good
But I don't fuckin feed em

I know that I'm carrying on,
Nevermind if I'm showing off
I was just frontin (you know I want ya babe)
I'm ready to bet it all, unless you don't care at all
But you know I want ya (you should stop frontin babe)

Trying to be the best girlfriend you could be
But still you sneak and look at me, and girl I love it
Then you give your other girl a shove
Tell her you gon' palm her ass like it was
And she's gon love it

Hearts gone astray
Keeping her when they go
I went away
Just when you needed me so
You won't regret
I'll come back begging you
Won't you forget
Welcome love we once knew
Yeah

Jack had a gang that he called the many grams,
he was known as smack jack the cracker man
in life he was dealt some shit hands
but the boys got the back now

Sheila Goes out with her mate stella,
it gets poured all over her fella,
cos shes says, man he aint no better
than the next man kicking up fuss
drunk, she stumbles down by a river
screams calling london, (london)
none of us heard her coming,
i guess the carpet weren't rolled out

If you've got the money
I think it would be funny-oh-oh-oh
To take your girl, spend a bit of your cash for me!!
'Cause then she might be happy
No longer lonely-oh-oh-oh
An' I could take her out the next day for pretty much free!!

I'm coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his—chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

I’m coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his—chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibi
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

I never...
I never...
I never...