From WENN News, on 19th August 2008, 18:20:

The life of international soccer star David Beckham is set to be turned into a musical on London's West End.

Mark Archer's production, David Beckham - The Theatre of Dreams, will be played out to a gospel-rock soundtrack.

It will tell the story of former England captain Beckham's relationships with his parents and wife Victoria - and chart his many struggles and triumphs on the soccer pitch.

Archer says, "Beckham's story is a modern-day fairytale of heroes, villains, love, and what it means to lead your country.

Archer is still awaiting Beckham's approval before the musical enters production.

The words "Are you fucking kidding me?" spring to mind.

Sports games, particularly the world's most popular sport, football, almost always sell into platinum figures in Europe in particular. The two conflicting game series' for the Football Fans market in competition today are the FIFA Series and the Pro Evolution Soccer Series.

Here's how they weigh up; Pro Evo is a ridiculous, pathetic, narrow minded whack at an entire sport that it seems to have neither knowledge nor interest in. In short, it's a douche. FIFA, however, is a poorly animated, dull, self-centered twat of a game. In short, it's an asshole. Despite these unforgivable flaws, many gamers will fall for one game or another. Pro, for it's superior gameplay, yet highly disappointing licensing agreements, and FIFA, for it's mostly drab, chunky gameplay, yet interesting features and level of comparison with real-life. You actually get to play as fully licensed teams, with fully licensed players.

What sucks about FIFA, the latest installment being '08, is that the gameplay is so rigid, slow and frustrating. On my first outing on FIFA 08's impressive online multiplayer, I played as Accrington Stanley against some other dude playing as Liverpool. In real life, the score would be 5-0 or more to Liverpool, however, thanks to the slow, drab and dull gameplay offered by FIFA, and due to the fact that the ball seems to be a balloon stolen from an eight year old's birthday party, I held the arsehole to a dignified 2-0. Now, for the most part, I'm completely a Pro Evo Fan. I've always loved the feeling of power you get from smashing a ball so hard it outruns the camera, and smashes into the back of the net so fast that it's on the way out by the time the keeper makes a dive.

On FIFA, however, the ball seems to glide from one place to another, as if in slow motion. Many gamers know that very often FIFA has fallen short of Pro Evo on many installments, particularly on Gameplay and graphics. As the latest installments of each; Pro Evo 2008 and FIFA 08 measure up, FIFA, despite questionable gameplay, graphics, and the worst menu interface in living memory, is beginning to take the lead to Pro. And here's why;

Firstly, licensing. Pro Evo would sell double the amount of copies they do if they would just spend the money on getting Premier League Clubs licensed. The latest (and only) acquistions Pro Evo has made on licensed Premier League Teams are Newcastle and Tottenham. Whoop-De-Fucking-Do. Of course, nobody wants to play as First Place Man Utd, or Second Place Chelsea. These days, everyone wants to play as 11th Place Spurs and 12th Place Magpies. Dipshits. Also, in Manager Mode, or the creatively titled "Master League" (NOT), Transfers are done with a few thousand "credits", rather than millions of any recognized currency. In addition, you can't change clubs. "You want to go to a different club? Fine, start again in 2006. Now go fuck yourself." The Pro Evo engine is just so unimaginative, it's unforgivable.

In a desperate attempt to try and remedy these flaws, dedicated gamers like myself will try and design replicas of the club logos that Konami just wouldn't spend a few grand to acquire. But what do we get? Slapped in the face with uneditable shite logos on the PS3 version of Pro 2008. That's just a big old "Fuck You" to the dedicated fans. Thank you very, very much.

So, Konami, I'd just like to extend a special Thank You for the unimaginitive drizzle you insist on feeding your fans. Thank You, for the increasingly annoying commentators and the ridiculously named unlicensed players and clubs. Thank You for the stupidly unrealistic and disappointing Manager Mode you continue to "improve on". And thank you, for coming up short to a game where both pitches, players and even menu interfaces look like shit run over twice. Just how do you do it? Fuck you guys, I'm gonna go and buy FIFA. I just couldn't put up with this crap any more.

Spain won. Big surprise there. After the end of a pleasantly interesting European Championship, I'd like to say a big FUCK YOU to the following people;

Chris' Official Euro 2008 Fuck You List

♦ Slaven Bilic - He thought he was such hot shit. Now he's flying home business class, alone, reports the BBC.

♦ Andrei Arshavin - The most over-rated player to emerge from any international tournament, ever.

♦ Gus Hiddink - Knocked out everybody's goal-monkeys the Netherlands. And seeing as he had a hand in the whole England thing, he deserves a big Fuck You. It pleases me to no end that his side got thumped by Spain.

♦ Steve McClaren - Never Forgive, Never Forget. 'Nuff Said. My condolences to FC Twente.

♦ Michael Ballack - More of a "I'm laughing at you" than a "fuck you". Fuckin' Loser.

Ultimately, it was a very interesting tournament. The final was a bit of a yawn, but the thing is the best team won, and I couldn't be more happy for Spain. Now all that needs to happen is Real Madrid need to get the fuck off Ronaldo, and England win South Africa 2010. Easy Peasy. The aforementioned is definitely going to happen, and I will definitely not be eating those words.