A Poem about Mckie...

There once was a girl called Mckie,
Who is a very close friend to me,
When she drank wine,
She had a good time,
And caused scandal throughout USC!

Now Jennie was known for being blonde,
And guys being terribly fond,
Of her air bags your see...
They're a double D!!
and they're famous throughout USC

Now not very smart was McKie,
Infact shes Dumb with a capital D!
Princess of Lichtenstein,
She laughs all the time
And shes known as Miss USC!!!

1.
The Dali Lama Is a person not a carry out!

2.
IKEA is a shop not a country

3.
America has only ONE national anthem

4.
Londonderry is not actually in London!

5.
There is not such thing as Tartan paint!

6.
When people say they want a pint, they mean beer- not milk

7.
The WW2 German leader was Hitler not Hitlar!

8.
It is possible to staple yourself to a stapler... and yes it does hurt!

9.
When your mum is talking about the Theatre Royal.. shes means a theatre not a hospital!

10.
A Rock Society is for rock music... not stones

11.
Hospitals dont close on a bank holiday!

12.
You do not get Pandas in Austraila

13.
You dont go to Mataland for your holidays

14.
Skandanavia is not a country!

15.
Helsinki is'nt in Japan!

16.
Apparently Romania isn't in Rome!

17.
The animal on the Jaguar car is actually... a Jaguar!

18.
A booze cruise is on a boat!

19.
If your boss asks you to get a suprise choco they mean suprise them... not a new brand of chocolate! (dont go into the shop and ask or one.... confusion all round!)

20.
If someone asks u 2 ask ur boss 4 a long stand, then they tell u to wait a min...they are takin the piss!!

21.
You dont see lions, zebras and giraffes on a jeep safari... even if it is in Gran Canaria!

22.
Freepost means you dont need a stamp apparently

23.
If someone asks where you swim... your not meant 2 answer "In Water!"

24.
Blackpool is not beside Brighton

25.
The Capital Of Japan is not China

26.
People from Holland speak Dutch... not Hollandish

27.
Its not possible to take a day trip on a boat from Gran Canaria to Iceland

28.
A coroner is someone that inspects dead people or sumthin.... not a judge in a courtcase

29.
If you get asked in england "sooopofruitjuice?!" they are not askin if you want some kind of super fruit juice... they are askin if you want Soup OR Fruit Juice!!! (oops.... dont argue with them about it, just more embarrassment!)

30.
Things from a pound shop, believe it or not are a pound!!! (aint that rite Iain?! haha)

31.
Just because its called the Carling Academy... dosnt mean thats all they sell! (im sorry i thought i was bein logical!)

32.
Milan is not in Spain... or Barcelona for that matter either! Dam my geography! I knew it was in Italy really!

33.Gammon is NOT a fish (i was just gettin confused with Salmon!)

34. Airdie is not in Ayr.... at least i was just bein logical!

35.
So it turns out that Amsterdam and Holland are not two differnt countries...

36.
You are not allowed to handle the ball in football... however when at a game dont pretend u know what your talkin about and scream "HAND BALL HAND BALL"..... the goal keeper is allowed! DOH!

37.
At the travel agents... cashier asks what currency i would like i reply "What ever they use in rome.... greece is in the euro now tho isn't it?"... yeh the cashier thought it was hilarious and explained it was actually Italy i was goin to!

38.
Brown sugar is NOT white sugar with dye in it!

39.
Step up Miss Jenni Murphy..... goin to a friends flat whos second name was service, cant remeber what flat it is so rings the one that says "Service" and cant understand why she cant get in! oh dear!

40.
A recent trip to the doctors..... the doctor told me that the tables may give me a sensitivity to photogentics, I told her that i have been fine when people take pictures of me, however she started laughin and told me she was talkin about sun light...... oops

EVER WONDER where we are headed...

Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara
with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline:
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start"
to stop Windows 98?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid
is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?

Why there isn't mouse flavoured cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a
"new & improved" flavour?

Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the
indestructible black box?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when
they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro,
is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why they call the airport "the terminal"
if flying is so safe?

AND...

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping".
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap".
(And that would be how???)

On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost".
(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought????...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness".
(And...I'm taking this because???)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only".
(As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use".
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts".
(Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one:
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)