How do you get 100 maoris into a mini?
Put a boil up in there!
How do you get them out?
Tell them they have to pay for it.

There's a Maori man, a Samoan man & a Tongan man sitting in the back seat of a car. Who's driving?
The police man!

Whats the biggest Marae in New Zealand?
Mt Eden Prison

'Why is it, that when ever you see a Moari on a bike you have to look twice?'
'cos it could be your bike!!!!

What's the fastest thing in the world?
A Maori with a KFC voucher.
What's the second fastest thing in the world?
The person who he stole it from

What do you call 1 Pakeha surrounded by 15 Maoris?
The rugby team with coach.

What do you call 15 Pakeha surrounded by 400 Maoris?
A Prison Warden

Ohhhhh, sad man sad.

I'm talking about hide and seek/spotlight in the park. The corner dairy,
hopscotch, four square, go carts, cricket in front of the garbage bin
and inviting everyone on your street to join in, skipping (double dutch),
gutterball, handstands, elastics, bullrush, catch and kiss,
footy on the best lawn in the street, slip'n'slides, the trampoline
with water on it (or a sprinkler under it), hula hoops, jumping in
puddles with gumboots on, mud pies and building dams in the gutter. The
smell of the sun and fresh cut grass.

'Big bubbles no troubles' with Hubba Bubba bubble gum. A topsy. Mr
Whippy cones on a warm summer night after you've chased him round
the block. 20 cents worth of mixed lollies lasted a week and
pretending tosmoke "fags" (the lollies) was really cool!.. A dollars' worth of
chips from the corner take-away fed two people (AND the sauce was free!!).

Being upset when you botched putting on the temporary tattoo from the
bubblegum packet, but still wearing it proudly. Watching Saturday
morning cartoons: 'The Smurfs', 'AstroBoy', 'He-man', 'Captain Caveman',
'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles', 'Jem' (trulyoutrageous!!), 'Super d'',
and 'Heeeey heeeeey heeeeeeey it's faaaaaaat Albert'. Or staying up
late and sneaking a look at the "AO" on the second telly, being amazed
when you watched TV right up until the 'Goodnight Kiwi!'

When After School with Jason Gunn & Thingie had a cult following
and What Now was on saturday mornings! When around the corner seemed a
long way, and going into town seemed like going somewhere. Where
running away meant you did laps of the block because you weren't allowed to
cross the road?? A million mozzie bites, wasp and bee stings (stee bings!).

Going down to the school swimming pool when you didn't have a key
and your friends letting you in, drawing all over the road and
driveway with chalk. Climbing trees and building huts out of every sheet your
mum had in the cupboard (and never putting them back folded). Walking to
school in bare feet, no matter what the weather.

Singing into your hair brush in front of the mirror, making mix tapes...
Sleep overs and ghosts stories with the next door neighbours.

Pillowfights, spinning round, getting dizzy and falling down was
cause for the giggles. . Collecting WWF and garbage pail kids cards.

Eating raw jelly and raro, sucking on a Rad, a traffic light popsicle, or a Paddle Pop... blurple,
yollange and prink!

You didn't sleep a wink on Christmas eve and tried (and failed) to
wait up for the tooth fairy. When nobody owned a pure-bred dog. When
50c was decent pocket money. When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for 10c.

When nearly everyone's mum was there when the kids got home from
school.

When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at
the local Chinese restaurant (or Cobb'n'Co.) with your family.

Remember when decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo"
or dib dib's-scissors, paper, rock. "Race issue" meant arguing about who
ran the fastest. Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker
in Monopoly.

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was boy/girl
germs, and the worst thing in your day was having to sit next to
one. Where bluelight disco's were the equivalent to a Rave.

Now, didn't that bring back some fond memories??

If you can remember most of these, you're an Kiwi legend!!!

A Maaori goes into a brothel in Amsterdam one night and finds himself a prostitute.
He asks her, "How much do you charge for the hour?"
$100," she replies.
So he asks, "Okay do you do Maori style?"
She says "No!"

He then asks her, "I'll pay you $200 to do Maaori style?"
She again says no, not knowing what Maori style is!
So he then offers her $300.
Again she declines his offer.

So finally he says, "I'll give you $500 to go Maori style with me"

Finally she agrees thinking, "Well I've been in the game for over 10 years now, I've been there and done that, had every kind of request from weirdo's from every corner of the world. How bad could Maaori style be?"

So she goes ahead and has sex with the bro, doing it in every kind of way and in every possible position.

Finally, after 8 intense hours of the best nookie she'd ever experienced, the Maori finishes.

Exhausted, the hooker says, "That was wonderful. I've never enjoyed it so much. But I was expecting something perverted and crass. Where does the 'Maaori style' come in?"

The Bro replies..............."I'll pay you tomorrow!"