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• A Cat Named JOE

  There's a cat named Joe and you wouldn't want to know
  But he thinks he'd like to be a Hippopotamus
  And it sounds very strange, and he really wants to change
  And in that way he's just like a lot of us
  
  Oh, it wouldn't be so bad if he was certified as mad
  But he's not... he holds a normal conversation
  It's just that within he's in a different kind of skin
  And it causes him a lot of botheration
  
  An identity crisis in a bloke like that
  Has got to get a high consideration
  At times we're all like that, the hippo and the cat
  And it can make for very strange conversation
  
  You see, Joe can't swim... it's just not natural to him
  He gets his fur wet and whiskers out of shape
  And a hippo feels a dud unless he's wallowing in mud
  With his big toothy mouth all agape
  
  But you look into Joe's eyes and know he loves the shape and size
  Of his big, round cousin in the water
  So he sits by the river with his heart all a-quiver
  Wanting what he really shouldn't oughta
  
  An identity crisis in a bloke like that
  Has got to get a high consideration
  At times we're all like that, the hippo and the cat
  I guess we'd sometimes like to change our situation.
  
  
  
  
  Copyright; Leighton B Watts 1984
  Rim Music Group All rights reserved.
  International copyrights secured
  
  

  0 commentaires 919 jours

• The Cable Guy

  When I was 12 or 13 my father had cable service added to the upstairs for myself and my siblings. The guy was able to install everything just fine, but when it came to hooking up the cable to the tv with a VCR, Nintendo, and Super Nintendo attached, the guy was clueless. He said he'd come back to it while he put the cable box in my sister's room. He came back not 5 minutes later to find me happily playing video games. He said "How did you do that?" My reply: I'm the kid. Never trust an adult to fiddle with electronics." And to think I almost worked for them years later...

  0 commentaires 919 jours

• A Day in Hell

  One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon...
  
  Demon: Why so glum chum?
  Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.
  Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man?
  Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Love the drinks.
  Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
  Guy: Gee that sounds great.
  
  Demon: You a smoker?
  Guy: You better believe it! Love the smoking.
  Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember?
  Guy: Wow...that's...awesome!
  
  Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
  Guy: Why yes as a matter of fact I do. Love the gambling.
  Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow.
  
  Demon: You into drugs?
  Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...
  Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares! O.D.!!
  Guy: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!!
  
  Demon: You gay?
  Guy: Uh no.
  
  Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.
  

  1 commentaire 919 jours