It keeps me wondering how a person gets to keep up with it: having certain feelings for someone you cared for so much, knew so well, cried rivers with. But despite all that, it's still not returned. Sometimes, it is, but only by handfuls; it's even been pushed aside and forgotten, all together with the past that you two have had.

What is it anyway? Why must humanoids like us require such engagement with each other? Other animals didn't have to do that... they just deal with what they have in front of them. They don't need to go around having throbbing brains on whether or not they should admit or confess, nor do they have to worry about how the opposite party would feel. Oh well... how would I know? I'm just another animal, after all... just like you, and he. We just speak quite differently.

He admits it. But it still hurt, didn't it? Yeah, it did. The tables have turned this time. He was the idiot one now. But why turn your back to something that meant so much? The friendship that was built for a few months that felt like years... all that? Suddenly down a drain. I guess it didn't matter so much for him then. And here I am, left with no other choice but to deal with it. "It can't be helped. You have to live with it," is what he would always tell me. This. Is this one of them?

It can't be helped. To fall for someone like him, to be honest, was something I didn't ask for. At least I saw his true nature... he was witty, moody, senile, and could be a biznatch too --- at least, that's what comes out at first. It takes time to get to know someone, and next thing you know, you can't even describe his personality, his characteristic, his specialness to you and why you two get along even if you call each other names.

You know, we sometimes take for granted the people who are willing to be with us and stride with us along the path of our journey through life. When you think about it, it'd be easy to just let them go without thinking because we know they would stay... but we never thought that they could suddenly leave you because they're tired of sacrficing for you, or even being taken for granted. It's when you don't see their true value... unless they are gone. And the worst part is: you only see what they're really worth when they're so close to saying goodbye.

If time can simply be turned back with merely a tug on the hands of a clock, I would've done it already. If I can just concentrate so hard so that I can tell my past self not to do what has been done, then maybe, just maybe, I'm still alive. He always told me not to die on him...

He died on me first.

That's not fair.

Nothing's ever fair.

So now I have to silently carry the burden of having a part of me die... and because it can't be helped, I now have to just... live with it.

I never thought it would hurt so much. I guess that's life... or something like it.


-Michiyo-

Mmmmmmm... pizzaaaaaa.

Hey, it's been some time okay. Last time I ate this thing was... I dunno, a long time ago. But it didn't exactly feel very satisfying. =________="

Gah, That game is so addicting. Wangan MMT3, I mean. And the stupid machine didn't accept my current tuning card that I had to purchase a new one instead. Same make, different model. They're both Mazda. JC-Senpai told me I should've gotten a different make instead... but for some reason, I like Mazda. I don't really fancy Mitsubishi: power's good but handling's like dust. I can't keep upgrading it just to be able to handle it well. Come to think of it, why isn't there a Honda? I like that brand too. >_<

So there I was, standing behind the machines waiting for my turn. I wish they either had stricter rules or more machines for people to use. And it's just terribly annoying when a kid cuts in and uses it ahead of you when you've been waiting for a really really REALLY long time. Not like I can do anything about it anyway... the kid's a kid. Are there any Timezones that are practically empty??? I'll sit my butt in front of the bloody machine for the entire day if I do find one.

Finally, I get my turn. Then, as I've mentioned earlier, the thing didn't accept my tuning card. GRRR. OH. WELL. I got to play only three games... DANGIT. That long wait. Argh.

Did I mention that there's this guy who comes every Saturday almost at the same times as I do? He comes with his entire group of friends, but he doesn't always play Wangan MMT3 (he plays the drumming thingy). When I saw him play, though, he was, like, one of the bloody best players. And he's not cute, but he's got the looks. And he's always ALWAYS wearing his red Japan jacket. He kind-of reminds me of that spirit guy in Hua Yang Shao Nian Shao Nu [花樣少年少] ｢花ざかりの君たちへ　(ｈａｎａｚａｋａｒｉ　no　kimitachi　he）　Chinese」. I can't remember his name though. And, yeah... if I say I want to go there every Saturday now --- not just to practice and be real damn good in Wangan MMT3 --- then you know what I mean. xD

Ergo, when this guy popped up, I cooled down. Hehehehehehe. xD

But whatever. I'm gonna do good in that game and keep practicing until I beat those guys. HAH.


-michiyo-

27.09.07

is it possible for rain to fall in two different directions?

let's face it. math's just drove me crazy. well, that could be the case... but what if...

as i did my maths homework on calculus and vectors, listening to the eastern energy album of the 12 girls band, contemplating on how hot and steamy it is in this country, rain starts to fall. outside the window in front of me, the rain pours towards my north (forward of where i am facing), allowing no water to enter my room with my windows left widely open. i looked on the window to my right, and i see the rain pouring towards another direction: my south (towards me), but still not allowing water to come in. how is it possible for the rain to come down in opposite directions? i looked out and found no answer. not even geography or any law of physics could probably explain my observation.

can it possibly be a sign?

my mom mentioned about us getting a new laptop --- an apple even. we all know how costly that is. we know how much money it'd take to get repaired in the future... just in case something DOES happen to it. and i just happen to know how much money we're ready to spend for a new laptop: nil.

chah~ what am i thinking? saying? typing? O_o"
and here i just found the solution to a question in my maths homework...
realising it while typing this is... odd... =____=
or, at least i think it's the solution. >_>
whatever.


-MiCHiYo-