A perpetual state of goodbye
2 
- Profile views: 516
- Profile created: April 2007
- www.bebo.com/aperpetualstate
- Category:
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You Are66 weeks agowell this story is probably the best thing ive ever read on bebo authors. the credit goes more to the writing than to my dedication. but thanks anyway.
plus when you say stevie dead and combat mike thank me you dont mean that they are real people do you? because that would be very strange. Also, I am from Australia and I watch neighbours most weeknights. Even though it is very very crap. -
Shoot It - Or Die Trying79 weeks agodid you like my story?
give me a review, and i'll give you one
lol
peace!
great story 'thus' far
lol
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87 weeks ago
LauraMonoxide
Ive read the first chapter only- will read the rest at a later date.
I love to write also but i mainly write blogs. I do have a book on the go although i am not happy with it. I prefer writing arcticles about the different sides of arguments, subjects and opinions on everyday matters. You may have noticed i can be a little critical and somewhat opinionated. I do not mean to offend I just have not got a dishonest bone in my body and couldnt say what i didn't really mean.
I would love to know if you write anything else? Poetry etc.
keep writng, Laura -
88 weeks ago
War Of My Mind
sorry, got cut off on my review,
because i wanted to say i really did think ur story was truly amazing
i love ur manipulation of words!
i do hope u take the narrator thing into account,
as it would only require a tinyyy bit of rewriting
anyway very mature writing, really enjoyed it
made me think! Lol
luv, a fellow author xxx
P.S if u cud review mine id love it, altho im not sure if they are sumat ud b interested in readin tbh
probs hovering on a more immature approach
http://BlackAndWhiteLove.bebo.com << finished but unedited
http://MatchLitLove.bebo.com << writing now
http://MyInsight.bebo.com << poems, they mayb r sumat ud prefer readin :S
anyway if u have time give it a go, would love 2 know ur opinions, ure a fantastic writer!
pure inspiration
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Zethian97 weeks agoThis is really awesome - I admire your levels of honesty and the way in which you bring about a sense of affection for the protagonist, even though they're the type of character you'd typically shake your head at if you hadn't looked at things under this light.
I think the story is awesome, so if you want more recognition for it, and more readers, try submitting it here, if you haven't already.
http://www.deviantart.com/ -
Angel on the rocks100 weeks agoAngel is a teenage girl with alot of problems and alot of secrets.
Will her secret bouts of depression be the end of her?
Or will it be the pressure from her endless situations that eventually pushes her over the edge?
Or...will she stay strong, and let others fall around her? Her best friend for example
a review it has taken me months to get through but i have finally finished the story. I liked it very much. Some parts, especially the description of the factory, i thought were amazing.
by You Are 76 weeks agoi was facinated by the characters and the setting, their primary school and their weekends. I really liked all that.
some of it seems to need editing and to be carefully read through and fixed up.
I can see what the girl meant about the twist. maybe there should be some more hints. I dont think that letting some female aspects of the character become more obvious a little earlier would hurt. It breaks my heart what you do to stevie, and i wish that that was sorted just a little more. maybe some of the end seems unresolved.
i dont really know. apart from some of the small things, it is an excellent story.
the chav hater's review.... hmm, reminds me a little of an episode of skins. It feels like you could take this and quite easily adapt it into a screenplay.
by LauraMonoxide 87 weeks agoHaving said that I think i would read on to the next chapter for i am wondering exactly where it is heading. Impressions on first chapter is its a whole lot of nothing in particular. I have no empathy for the main character....as of yet. Hey but i'm a chav hater so i wouldnt would i?
It is not gripping reading- but it could get more interesting if i can be bothered to come back and read on- which i might but not now I'll save it for another time when i need to kill five minutes of my life.... three stars
WOW!!!! Just finished reading.
by Jimmy King 87 weeks agoBest book on Bebo Authors - no question!
Stunning up til the last chapter i thought ur story was absolutely STUNNING! lol
by War Of My Mind 88 weeks agoi love your writing style, that much description is something i try and envoke into mine but usually fail!
*constructive critcism:
- i think though that your character should be a guy, (not coz of gay part) from the first chapter up until the 2nd to last the narrator feels like a guy. the way 'it' reacts to every situation etc etc, is more - in my mind - how a guy would react and it seems like u have randomly put that twist in at the end without having bared it in mind throughout your writing
never in the early chapters were (from what i can remember) we given any indication that the narrator was actually a girl
could just be me making assumptions but i think that would make it flow a lot better
coz at first i thought id read it wrong or something :S
- there didnt seem 2 be much of a concrete plot, just a meander through life,
although it was v gud, duno if u need a proper plot
u def had me hooked!
XXX
Awesome! This is the first I've read where I have nothing to input. Great writing! You had me completely engrossed by the end of the second paragraph. I'm looking forward to reading the rest. Please, if you have the time, take a look at what I have posted - www.bebo.com/naralyng. It's a more fanatstical setting than yours but I would appreciate a skilled author's constructive critizism.
by Morgaine 97 weeks agowow how did you come up with this?
by Monica 113 weeks ago