Favourite food?
easter eggs when there around or gum

Favourite thing about the UK?
errr in most fields you go in you'll find a cow stuck in a hole in the fence i dont no lol

Favourite place to be
On the Hoe in Plymouth its great there. you can chuck stuff at the seagulls there and no one gives a toss and people always ask is that really its name which it is xD

Favourite insult?
cunt monkey, people hate it lol

Favourite smell?
relentless smells real good. not that i sniff it ¬¬

Favourite character in Lost?
ive never watched it so no one

Favourite dance move?
the robot

Favourite super villain?
dr octopus he doesn't have to walk his many arms can just move him along

Favourite Superhero?
super ted!

Favourite sports team
idontgiveashit united yeah... there amazing

Favourite Fast Food Establishment?
errr Subway

Favourite Beverage?
its a toss up between Relentless and Jail Ale they both are awesome and shouldnt be drank mixed together

Favourite rainy day activity
dude! why :S

Favourite festival
Download is better then Reading

Favourite book?
i liked Nobodys true awesome brutal murders in that book

Favourite city?
dunno exeters cool

Favourite album?
Deathstars- Termination Bliss

Favourite Colour?
i dunno

Favourite Animal?
Wolves if i had some and someone pisses me off id set one on them

Favourite hell raising Antic?
getting a bigarse saw and cutting a bit of a wooden handrail on a bridge away in the middle of the night so the council dont no who did it and replace it hoping no one will notice

Favourite Computer game?
Sonic the Hedgehog, Mario or Pacman!

By Dr Owen Harper


1. Accidently change the auto-settings on the coffee machine while trying to make an espresso- despite being told on numerous occasions not to go within 10 meters of the kitchen.



2. Eat all the biscuits in the kitchen.



3. Find Teaboy’s secret stash of hobnobs kept in case of emergency. Eat these as well.



4. Forget to lock the Weevil cage properly so that Teaboy’s first proper date with the Captain is spent running around Cardiff after fugitive Weevils.



5. Insist on playing with alien technology that you only half know how to use- usually resulting in large amounts of blood being splattered over the Teaboy’s suit.



6. Refuse to pay to have the blood splattered suits dry cleaned.



7. Take your coffee with low fat, semi skimmed milk, which must be stirred counter-clockwise three times and left to stand for exactly forty seven seconds before the two and a half sugars are added. The coffee must then be stirred again four times in a clockwise direction. This is instead of having your coffee with two milks and one sugar like everybody else in the Hub.



8. Email CCTV footage of the Teaboy making out with the Captain to Tosh and Gwen.



9. Burn a copy of aforementioned CCTV footage to several DVDs for future blackmailing purposes.
10. Search for information in the archives by one’s self while totally disregarding the Teaboy’s chronological and cross-referenced filing system.



11. Deny any knowledge of entering the archives unsupervised and disrupting the Teaboy’s filing system.



12. Delete footage of one’s self entering and leaving the archives. Replace with previously mentioned blackmail footage.



13. Feed Myfanwy week old Chinese to avoid Teaboy discovering misuse of Torchwood Health and Safety policies. Specifically section 17b: Information regarding what can be kept in the Hub refrigerator and for how long.



14. Hide a prohibited alien artifact that should never leave the hub in Teaboy’s desk until you discover the new code for the Torchwood safe.



15. Blame the pet pterodactyl when said alien artifact is discovered.



16. Claim that a Weevil ate the report you were supposed to be writing about the latest rift activity.



17. Use the Captain as a test subject for your latest Weevil repellant spray on the night of his rearranged date with the Teaboy. Spend the rest of the week drinking instant coffee and avoiding the Teaboy due to the Captain developing highly contagious purple spots resulting in his having to spend the next three days isolated in quarantine.



18. Hold Teaboy’s teddy bear for ransom until payment of unopened chocolate digestives are received. The good ones, not the cheap stuff that he gives everybody else.



19. Return the Teaboy’s teddy bear but steal his diary. Post a different section on the Torchwood intranet everyday.



20. Use Teaboy’s credit card to order a year’s supply of instant coffee to be delivered to the information desk by a troupe of tap dancing leprechauns.

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