Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.


For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

J E S U S had no servants, yet they called Him MASTER. Had no degree, yet they called Him TEACHER. Had no medicines, yet they called Him HEALER. He had no army, yet kings feared Him. He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world. He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him. He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today. I feel honored to serve such a Leader who loves us! If you believe in God and in Jesus Christ His Son .. put this on yr bebo.. if not just ignore it. If you ignore it, just remember that Jesus said . "If you deny me before man, I will deny you before god in heaven.

President Olusegun Obasanjo, Governor Orji Uzo Kalu (Gov. of Abia), the former Miss World, Agbani Darego and Former Aviation Minister Kema Chikwe are sitting in a train going through a dark tunnel. Suddenly, there is this kissing sound and then a slap!!!

The train comes out of the tunnel into daylight. The women and Orji Uzo Kalu are sitting there looking perplexed, b'cos everyone heard the slap, but nobody was sure where it came from. Obasanjo is bent over, holding his face which is red from the slap. All of them remain diplomatically quiet and nobody says anything, least of all, sorry!

Chikwe is thinking: "Nigerian men are all crazy and even these ones here are all lusting after Agbani. Obasanjo must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. It is quite proper that she slapped him."

Agbani is thinking: "Mr President must have moved to kiss me, and got slapped...but by whom?"

Obasanjo is thinking: "Damn it, Orji must have tried to kiss Agbani, she thought it was me and slapped me...but could this little girl do such a thing without fear?"

Kalu is thinking: "If this train goes through another dark tunnel I could make another kissing sound and slap Obasanjo again."