GROWING UP IN NEW ZEALAND
I'm talking about hide and seek/spotlight in the park. The corner dairy, hopscotch, four square, go carts, cricket in front of the garbage bin and inviting everyone on your street to join in, skipping (double dutch), gutter ball, handstands, elastics, bullrush, catch and kiss, footy on the best lawn in the street, slip'n'slides, the trampoline with water on it (or a sprinkler under it), hula hoops, jumping in puddles with gumboots on, mud pies and building dams in the gutter. The smell of the sun and fresh cut grass.

'Big bubbles no troubles' with Hubba Bubba bubble gum. A topsy. Mr Whippy cones on a warm summer night after you've chased him round the block. 20 cents worth of mixed lollies lasted a week and pretending to smoke "fags" (the lollies) was really cool!.. A dollars' worth of chips from the corner take-away fed two people (AND the sauce was free!!).

Being upset when you botched putting on the temporary tattoo from the bubblegum packet, but still wearing it proudly. Watching Saturday morning cartoons: 'The Smurfs', 'AstroBoy', 'He-man', 'Captain Caveman', 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles', 'Jem' (truly outrageous!!), 'Super d'', and 'Heeeey heeeeey heeeeeeey it's faaaaaaat Albert'. Or staying up late and sneaking a look at the "AO" on the second telly, being amazed when you watched TV right up until the 'Goodnight Kiwi!'

When After School with Jason Gunn & Thingie had a cult following and What Now was on Saturday mornings! When around the corner seemed a long way, and going into town seemed like going somewhere. Where running away meant you did laps of the block because you weren't allowed to cross the road?? A million mozzie bites, wasp and bee stings
Sticky fingers, goodies & baddies, cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, riding bikes til the streetlights came on and catching tadpoles in horse troughs.

Going down to the school swimming pool when you didn't have a key and your friends letting you in, drawing all over the road and driveway with chalk.
Climbing trees and building huts out of every sheet your mum had in the cupboard (and never putting them back folded). Walking to school in bare feet, no matter what the weather.

When writing 'I love....? on your pencil case, really did mean it was true love. "he loves me? he loves me not?" and daisy chains on the front lawn.
Stealing other people's flowers from their gardens and then selling them back to them...

Running till you were out of breath. Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt. Pitching the tent in the back/front yard (and never being able to find all the pegs). Jumping on the bed. Singing into your hair brush in front of the mirror, making mix tapes...

Sleep overs and ghosts stories with the next door neighbours.

Pillow fights, spinning round, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for the giggles. The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon. Weetbix cards pegged on the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle. Collecting WWF and garbage pail kids cards.

Eating raw jelly and raro, making homemade lemonade and sucking on a Rad, a traffic light popsicle, or a Paddle Pop... blurple, yollange and prink!
Traffic Light drinks at Cobb'n'Co!

You knew everyone in your street - and so did your parents! It wasn't odd to have two or three "best friends" and you would ask them by sending a note asking them to be your best friend.

You didn't sleep a wink on Christmas eve and tried (and failed) to wait up for the tooth fairy. When 50c was decent pocket money. When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for 10c.

When nearly everyone's mum was there when the kids got home from school.

It was magic when dad would "remove" his thumb.

When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at the local Chinese restaurant (or Cobb'n'Co.) with your family.

When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed her or use him to carry groceries and

Rangi Ruru - One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

Hornby High - Two. One to change the bulb and one to figure out how to get high off the old one.

St Bedes - None. They're all too drunk to notice and even when they're sober if they spot a hole they just put their willy in it.

Girls High - One. She'll put through a call to maintenance staff because there's no way she's going to do manual labour.

Hillmorton - None. That place looks better in the dark.

Riccarton - Six. One to change it but only after the other five have found an interpreter to translate the English instructions.

Burnside High - Seventy six. One to change the globe. Fifty to protest counter protest.

Christ's College - None. Those poor bastards are keeping their backs to the wall even if it means standing in the dark. "If you can't get a girl, get a Christ's boy".

Avonside - Five. One to change it, two to make sure her hair ribbons are still in place and another two to make sure her bag looks cool at all times.

Linwood High - Six. Four to break into the store, one to steal the globe and one to install it.

Villa Maria - None. It is too unsafe for pregnant girls to attempt such a dangerous task.

Papanui High - 10. One to change the bulb. One to call their dealer and eight to have a session why they wait.

Aranui High - None. Everything not welded down had been flogged long ago.

Hagley - None. Everyone is either suspended or bunking (including the teachers).

Boys High - Two, one to change the bulb and one to make the observation that it isn't half as bright as the light shining from their arses.

Marian - None. They only have to give head to the Shirley boys and it's done for them.

Rangiora High - None. Electricity has yet to make it out that far.

St Thomas's - Four. One to change the bulb, three to count how many times he mentions rugby and f^$%king someone’s mother.

St Margarets - None. The Butler can do it.

Cashmere High - None. They really can't be bothered, and there's surfing to be done.

Lincoln High - three - one to change it and two to hold the sheep still so he can stand on it.

Shirley Boys - None. They're too busy covertly breaking the bulbsover at Marian so they can get head.

If Hip Hop was a High School....



Lil Kim would be the school hoe.

J-Lo would be the school slut.

Master P would be the undercover rich guy that nobody really knows,who wears his own clothes that nobody likes but still on the basketball team.

P Diddy would be the annoying dork who couldnt dance but thought he could
and on Biggy's nuts.

Nas would be the dude normal popular kids cudnt figure out,but around his
crew he was tha shit.

Jay-Z would be the ugly kid who could rap but hated Nas jus cos he did.

Westside Connection would be the school bullies that beat everybody up.

Dr. Dre would be the O.G. that knew everything and was respected by
everyone.

Beyonce would be the most popular girl in school and be the captain of the
cheer squad.

R Kelly would be the dude that graduated 3 years ago and still goes back to
the school to talk to girls.

Ciara would be the best girl dancer and head of the dance team.

Paul Wall would be the man dat evry body looked for if they needed
something, from grills to last nights home work.

Lil Jon would be the loud special ed student that takes classes at the back
of the school.

Ludacris would be the class clown.

Kanye West would be the best dressed guy at school who gets along with
everyone but the principal.

Outkast would be the two guys who wear their own unique style of clothing.

50 cent would be the guy who's been shot before and thinks he's cool because
of that.

Ja Rule would be the guy that is known to have beaten up 50 cent but was also known to be the really short guy

Biggie would be the fat ugly cool guy with the fine girlfriend who has
everyone wondering how he hooked that shit up.

Nelly would be the pretty-boy sophomore that plays on the varsity football
team and all the females love him and most of the guys hate him.

And Murphy lee would get all the fine girls simply because he hangs with
Nelly.

Lil Bow Wow would be that skinny loser who hangs out with his
older brother and his crew because he has no friends of his own.

Christina Milian: the pretty sweet girl that everyone wants to tap but she's
a virgin and only talks to pretty boys.

Twista would be the kid who always writes 3000 word essays instead of the
required 700.

Cassidy would be the young freshman kid who is the best freestyler and is
loved by girls and respected by dudes.

Usher would be the school's hottest guy but is secretly gay.

Juvenille would be the guy u hated listening to cuz of the way he talked.

Dem Franchize boyz is the group that wears nothing but white tees and does
the same dance every time, but were still very cool.

Wayne would be the guy who freestyles out of nowhere and his rhymes are
tight.

Mariah Carey would be the mixed girl that looked white but only likes black
guys.

Jermaine Dupri would be school snitch who told on evrybody.

Chris Brown would be that new kid that the ladies loved but the guys picked
on.

Mike Jones would be the guy that tries to get popular by saying his name
every 5 seconds and giving out his phone number.

Mary J. would be the sweet but thugish black girl that loved to sing.

Remy Ma would be the girl who think she is fine but everyone else thinks
shes ugly.

Snoop Dogg would be the school stoner that drives a cadillac to school and
smokes in class.

Omarion would be the schools lady man and always winning talent shows.

Pretty Ricky would be the group of dudes that ran trains on alotta girls

Rihanna would be the foreign exchange student from the Carribean that all
the dudes hit on.

Sean Paul would be the guy that no one understands what he's saying but
still gets girls.

Flava Flav would be the school janitor with stank ass breath.

Missy would be the fat ugly girl who is still popular.

Trina would be the tough but fine girl who intimidates guys.

E-40 would be the guy that made up the coolest slang.

Tupac would be the guy that everyone l