Would you see the future if you could?
If the outcome wasn’t to your liking, would you change it so that it becomes more favorable towards yourself?
Or would you accept it and let it play out like it was originally meant to?


So many times have I stopped to look in the mirror just to be reminded of everything I hate and dislike about myself and my life as a whole…I wish could I follow my own advice when I say “It doesn’t matter what other people think and/or feel, it’s what you think and/or feel about yourself that matters most” But it’s easier said than done!
What do you do when practically everything you do revolves around other people and even though you dislike it greatly, you put on a brave face just to make them happy?
These sort of decisions are hard for everyone to choose from, it’s like being stuck at a decisions cross-roads, it brings out the reality and heaviness of any situation from choosing to:
stay or leave, forgive or not forgive, believe or not believe, accept or not accept, do what’s best for me or do what’s best for them/him/her even if it hurts….?

It’s a tough one, I know first hand how easily these cross-roads trigger the opening to a flood of emotions that make any decision making even harder! Then you try to push the responsibility on to the other person so that you don’t have yourself to blame if everything comes crashing down around you…and being a female makes it even tougher because the opposite sex normally evades any sort of life changing decisions that might land them with any blame!

What do you do, if home is where the heart is? Do you tear yourself to shreds and try desperately to comfort yourself with thoughts that time will heal these wounds and you will eventually move on or do you remain where you are even though it means giving up more than there is to gain?
How do you choose between the road that leads you away from the one you love but with a greater possibility of having a successful career and the other that leads to continuous disappointment with wishful thinking but you get to stay with the one you love?

Your heart says ‘STAY!’ Because you know the pain will be very difficult to deal with,
but on the other hand your mind says ‘GO!’ Because if you stay there is a high possibility of always being let down and being set on the fast track to nothing.

Life in general mystifies us all at some point in time, and we find ourselves asking ‘Why me?’ or ‘If only I did this differently, I would be/have this’ or ‘I wish I didn’t do that, if only there were some way to travel back in time!’

The mind works majority of the time subconsciously, and the heart is emotionaly bound and is quite bias against the mind, so will make each and every path that much more harder to choose between.


So what we all have to realize is that, we can only make do with what we have at present and change ourselves or certain things so that our futures are more likeable. But then you’re back at that cross-road of ‘Do I or Don’t I?’ and either decision will cause you pain and/or regret…it is just a matter of weighing up the Pros and Cons against each other and analyzing each opportunity/situation so that whatever you choose, you know exactly what you are getting yourself into…it’s hard but the saying ‘no pain, no gain’ I guess has some truth to it.





By Gemma Macmillan
(6th of July 2009)

I have a wish, I have a dream, I have a goal...I am stil trying to fulfill these. But no matter how hard things get, you will not see me giveup and I will not let people discourage me. Lets see them try!

It is good friday..Start of the long weekend and im in none other but wellington hospital while im doing this..that says it all? You would think so. Well this year im starting my album..thought i'd finaly tell people its going to finaly happen..yes yes i know you have been waiting to hear my new shit and im going to dissapoint alot but to the people that will enjoy what it will bring..this is all for you. I will hopefully do a gig at the end of this year..to get you ready for the album. People..perfection takes time..so give me 10 more years to get to that. I'm also going to write a book..not telling about what because that will just ruin it all. Miss everone that i use to kick it with back at east..sad not to be in touch or to lax out once in a while but shit happens. To cut this short im in hospital because no one not even the doctors know what is wrong with me. Peace and happy easter!