They refused to print the following article:

So the Michael Jackson roller coaster has stopped. Looks like he got enough.

Apparently he died after walking into a pub in Paisley and saying “Do you wanna be starting something?” We can all learn something from Michael’s life. For example, it looks like oxygen tents are a big waste of money.

Why did no one pick up on it when he had shown all the signs of a heart attack? Wheezing noises, jerking of the arms, ashen complexion? I suppose to be fair he has been showing all those symptoms since the mid eighties. Had Jackson’s staff noticed something was wrong earlier he might have been saved, but when they saw him grab his left arm, go stiff and yelp they just thought he was practising his moves for Beat It. It’s not known what triggered the heart attack, but High School M usical 3 was on cable at the time. In many ways he was a tragic figure. Let’s be honest, he had more personal issues than Batman.Who could have imagined that the monster he transformed into in “Thriller” would look less weird than what he transformed into in real life? It’s got to be a tossup whether he get cremated or recycled. His postmortem will look like the Roswell autopsy.

I was a big Michael Jackson fan when I was 8. I didn't know it at the time, but I was his 'type.'
For his London concerts Michael Jackson advertised for children in wheelchairs or with missing legs! What parent would agree to that? Look what happened with kids who could run away! Those tickets sold out in minutes. An interesting attitude we have to paedophilia in this country, “ We don’t want paedophiles round here! Unless they’ve really worked on their choreography…”

He was a legend and his funeral will be amazing. Ironically the funeral will be the first time in years his children haven’t been forced to wear veils.With the amount of money the concert tickets have made I wouldn’t be surprised if they still wheeled him on. It would add an interesting touch to I’ll Be There. Michael Jackson was apparently refusing to eat ahead of his O2 gigs. He now weighed less than nine stone and the only thing he would eat willingly was nachos. Nachos being the name of a young Mexican boy. It’s said that Jackson had developed a phobia about being fat. Not like him to worry about his looks. Apparently when the news broke Jackson’s father rushed straight to the hospital, just to check if the medics needed a hand with beating Michael’s chest.

Jackson’s family said they were moved to see that the hospital staff were all wearing black. Actually, they were all wearing white as usual, but that family had always had a little trouble admitting the difference. The man may be gone but he has left a musical legacy that will be around for hundreds of years. As will his face.

Murraymania has hit Wimbledon with millions convinced that Andy Murray has what it takes to become the first British male for a long time to be knocked out in the final.

Murray could be Wimbledon if he just the right breaks, like one to Roger Federer’s ankle. This year Murray is desperately trying to convince the crowd he’s ‘British’. Then he ****ed that up by winning. Nine Brits were beaten on the first day. Mind you, they all turned up with snooker cues. The Lawn Tennis Association says the eighty million pound roof over Centre Court will improve British tennis. Really? They’re attaching a noose? Visitors to Wimbledon have been paying £20 a day to park on a graveyard. It only came to light after the families of deceased relatives complained about having to lay flowers on a BMW.What sort of person would think it’s acceptable to park their 4x4 on top of someone’s grave. Oh yes, the sort of person that owns a 4x4.I love Wimbledon. It’s the only time I get to watch women in short skirts grunting and sweating without night vision goggles. I really enjoy all that grunting. My neighbours keep banging on the wall to get me

"Please wear a Poppy", the lady said,
And held one forth, but I shook my head,
Then I slopped and watched as she offered them there,
And her face was old and lined with care;
But beneath the scars the years had made
There remained a smile that refused to fade.
A boy came whistling down the street.
Bouncing along on care-free feet.
His smile was full of joy and fun,
"Lady" said he, "may I have one?"
When she'd pinned it on, he turned to say:
"Why do we wear a Poppy to-day?"
The lady smiled in her wistful way
And answered: "This is Remembrance Day",
"And the Poppy there is a symbol for
The gallant men who died in the war".
"And because they did, you and I are free
That's why we wear a Poppy you see".
I had a boy about your size,
With golden hair and big blue eyes.
"He loved to play and jump and shout.
Free as a bird, he would race about.
As the years went by, he learned and grew,
And became a man-as you will, too".
"He was fine and strong, with a boyish smile.
But he'd seemed with us such a little while
When war broke out and he went away.
I still remember his face that day.
When he smiled at me and said good-bye.
I'll be back soon, Mum, so please don't cry"
But the war went on and he had to stay,
And all I could do was wait and pray.
"His letters told of the awful fight
(I can see it still in my dreams at night)
With the tanks and guns and the cruel barbed wire,
And the mines and bullets, the bombs and the fire".
"Till at last, at last, the war was won -
And that's why we wear a Poppy, son".
The small boy turned as if to go.
Then said: "Thanks, lady I'm glad to know.
"That sure did sound like an awful fight.
But your son - did he come back alright?"
A tear rolled down each faded cheek;
She shook her head, but didn't speak.
I slunk away In a sort of shame.
And if you were me, you'd have done the same;
For our thanks, in giving, is oft delayed,
Though our freedom was bought - and thousands paid;
And so, when we see a Poppy worn,
Let us reflect on the burden borne
By those who gave their very all
When asked to answer their country's call
That we at home in peace might live.
Then wear a Poppy! Remember - and give

This name is of English topographic origin for someone who lived by a marsh of fen. The name derives from the Old English pre 7th Century 'fenn', translating as 'a low-lying marshy area', and is first recorded at the end of the 12th Century, (see below). In 1292 one, Richard atte Vanne appears in 'The King's Rolls at Wiltshire'. In medieval English dialects as the south west 'v' was regarded as the normal pronunciation of 'f'. The farms with an initial 'Fa' represents the East Saxon form of 'fenn'. In the 'modern' idiom the name has seven spelling variations: Fann, Van(n), Vanne, Vanns, Vance and Venn. Alfred Glenville Vance (1838 - 188 , known as 'the great Vance', was an actor and pantomimist who made his mark in London music - halls. He died while performing at Knightsbridge. The first recorded spelling of the family name is shown to be that of John del Fan, which was dated 199 - The Pipe Rolls of Essex, during the reign of King Richard 1, 'Richard The Lionheart', 1189 - 1199. Surnames became necessary when governments introduced personal taxation. In England this was known as Poll Tax. Throughout the centuries, surnames in every country have continued to "develop" often leading to astonishing variants of the original spelling.

Try it yourself and stick it on here!!!


http://www.surnamedb.com/