Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the lecturer makes by waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean!"

Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few minutes, ask the lecturer to focus the overhead projector.

Sit in the front and color in your textbook.

When the lecturer calls your name in roll, respond "that's my name, don't wear it out!"

Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the lecturer to speak louder.

Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.

Squint thoughtfully while giving the lecturer strange looks. In the middle of lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask whether he was ever in an episode of Starsky and Hutch.

Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the lecturer says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.

Sing your questions.

When the lecturer calls roll, after each name scream "THAT'S MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry."

Page through the textbook scratching each picture and sniffing it.

Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY".

Stare continually at the lecturer's crotch. Occassionally lick your lips.

Address the lecturer as "your excellency".

Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the lecturer if he's been drinking.

Shout "WOW!" after every sentence of the lecture.

Ask whether you have to come to class.

Relive your school days by leaving chalk stuffed in the blackboard dusters.

Watch the lecturer through binoculars.

Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.

When the lecturer turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"

Correct the lecturer at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.

Sit in the front row reading the lecturer's graduate thesis and snickering.

Claim that you wrote the class text book.

Claim to be the teaching assistant. If the real one objects, jump up and scream "IMPOSTER!"

Spend the lecture blowing kisses to other students.

Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet #5" at the top, and start passing it around the room.

Stand to ask questions. Bow deeply before taking your seat after the lecturer answers.

Interrupt every few minutes to ask the lecturer, "Can you spell that?"

Wink at the lecturer every few minutes.

In the middle of lecture, ask your lecturer whether he believes in ghosts.

Laugh heartily at everything the lecturer says. Snort when you laugh.

Al Pacino/ frank, minutes speech :
I don't know what to say really. Three minutes till the biggest battle of our professional lives. It all comes down to today. Now either we heal as a team, or we're gonna crumble. Inch by inch, play by play, till we're finished. We're in hell right now, gentlemen. Believe me. And we can stay here, get the shit kicked out of us, or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb out of hell. One inch at a time.
Now I can't do it for you. I'm too old. I look around, I see these young faces, and I think... I mean I've made every wrong choice a middle-aged man can make. I pissed away all my money, believe it or not. I chased off anyone who's ever loved me, and lately, I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror. You know when you get old in life, things get taken from you. That's part of life. But you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You find out life's this game of inches. And so is football. Because in either game, life or football, the margin for error is so small. I mean... one half a step too late or too early and you don't quite make it. One half second too slow too fast, you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They are in every break of the game, every minute, every second. On this team, we fight for that inch. On this team, we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when we add up all those inches, that's gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying! I'll tell you this - in any fight, its the guy whose willing to die who's gonna win that inch. And I know if I'm going to have any life anymore, it's because I'm still willing to fight and die for that inch. Because that's what living is! The 6 inches in front of your face...
Now I can't make you do it. You've got to look at the guy next to you, look into his eyes. Now I think you're gonna see a guy who will go that inch with you. You're gonna see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team, because he knows when it comes down to it, you're gonna do the same for him.
That's a team, gentlemen. And either we heal, now, as a team, or we will die, as individuals. That's football, guys. That's all it is. Now, what are you going to do?

Jimmy Burns uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Jimmy Burns' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Jimmy Burns has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Jimmy Burns can kill him and take it.

Jimmy Burns once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Jimmy Burns doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Jimmy Burns what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Jimmy Burns only masturbates to pictures of Jimmy Burns.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Jimmy Burns instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Jimmy Burns appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Jimmy Burns replied, "That's no glitch."

Jimmy Burns lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Jimmy Burns was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Jimmy Burns sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, jimmy roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Jimmy Burns does not sleep. He waits.

Jimmy Burns built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Jimmy Burns is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Jimmy Burns

Jimmy Burns was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Jimmy omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Jimmy Burns smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Jimmy Burns.

Jimmy Burns does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

There is no chin behind Jimmy Burns's welding mask. There is only another fist.

Jimmy Burns once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Jimmy roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

The chief export of Jimmy Burns is pain.

Jimmy Burns is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When Jimmy Burns plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

It was once believed that Jimmy Burns actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Jimmy Burns himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Jimmy Burns recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Jimmy Burns used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director o