Section I - General Rules

1) The first person to yell "SHOTGUN" gets to ride in the front seat.

2) The remaining back seats may be divvied up in the same manner by being the first to call "back right seat", etc..

3) The word "shotgun" must be loud enough to be heard by at least one witness. If no witness is to be found, or in case of a tie, the driver has the final word. After all, it is most likely his car. (Note: if it isn't his car, and the owner is present, the owner's decision is final. Owner must be sober, however, or he will defer his judgment to the driver.)

4) Early calls are strictly prohibited. All occupants of the vehicle (including the driver) must be outside of the building and directly on the way to the vehicle before shotgun may be called. Under no circumstances may a person call shotgun inside a building. For sake of simplicity, a garage is considered to be outside. Parking structures and detached garages are always considered as being outdoors, even if they are underground.

5) A person may only call shotgun for one way of a trip. Shotgun can never be called while inside a vehicle or still technically on the way to the first location. For example, one can not get out of a vehicle and call Shotgun for the return journey.

6) Being as how everyone is created equal, men have the same right as women to the front seat of the car. i.e. women don't own the front seat.

7) One is allowed to ride shotgun as many times as he can call it, but for himself only. No one can call shotgun for their slower friend, unless the friend has a speech or mental handicap that prevents them from calling it for themselves.

The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the right to suspend or remove all shotgun privileges from one or more persons.


Section II - Special Cases

These special exceptions to the rules above should be considered in the order presented; the case listed first will take precedence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable.

1) In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun.

2) If the instance that the person who actually owns the vehicle is not driving, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.

3) In the instance the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group; he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.

4) In the instance that one of the passengers may become so ill during the course of the journey that the other occupants feel he/she will toss their cookies, then the ill person should be given Shotgun to make appropriate use of the window.

5) In the instance that only one person knows how to get to a given location and this person is not the driver, then as the designated navigator for the group they automatically get Shotgun, unless they decline.

6) In the instance that one of the occupants is too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat, then the driver may show mercy and award Shotgun to the genetic misfit. Alternatively, the driver and other passengers may continually taunt the poor fellow as they make a three hour trip with him crammed in the back.


Section III - The Survival Of The Fittest Rules (a.k.a The Bastard Rules)

1) If the driver so wishes, he/she may institute the Survival Of The Fittest Rules on the process of calling Shotgun. In this case all rules, excepting 1.8, are suspended and the passenger seat is occupied by whoever can take it by force.

2) The driver must announce the institution of the Survival Of The Fittest Rules with reasonable warning to all passengers. This clause reduces the amount of blood lost by passengers and the damage done to the vehicle.

1) Thou shalt drink only pints and/or "whiskey."
2) Thou shall always ate the skin of yer rasher.
3) Thou shall always stand at the back during mass, or even better
in the porch talking.
4) Thine wife shall emulate Biddy from Glenroe.
5) Thou shalt emulate Miley.
6) Thou shalt "suck diesel."
7) Thou shall pretend to know all about "The Headage."
Thou shalt look after your tractor better than your car.
9) Thou shalt have no "Revershing" lights or number plate on your
trailer.
10)Thou shalt display a "Travellin' to Flavin" sticker on the back
window of all vehicles.
11)Thou shallt wear your Ivomec Pour-On fleece with pride.
12)Thou shalt not use but half-inch Wavin or a "good Sally Rod" for
beatin cattle.
13)Thine sons shall play GAA.
14)Thine daaawwwthur shall marry the local centhur-forward.
15)Thou shalt hold regular arguments with d'telly.
16)Thou shalt reminisce the Fair Day, the Treshing,Kickin'Cabbages and
the Corncrake.
17)Thou shallt know a Mickeen Tomeen Joe and a Paddy Joe Paaaack from
"the top of the parish."
1 Thou shalt ate "Hang Sangwiches" at all the GAA matches.
19)Thou shalt hate "Those Backstard the Tans".
20)Thou shalt be edumacated by the Chrissshtian Brethers.
21)Thou shalt pronounce 'Yellow' as 'Yella'.
22)Thou shalt carry the A.I Man's mobile number on you at all times.
23)Thou shalt not visit Dublin ( except to Croker and to bring the
wife shoppin' on the 8th December).
24)Thou shalt not fail to attend the Ploughing Championships and all
Steam Rallies.
25)Thou shalt always know how to reek turf bether than thine
neighbour.
26)Thou shalt use balin' twine to hold up thine trousers.
27)Thou shalt not ever visit the dentist.
2 Thou shalt not miss an episode of "The Weather".
29)Thou shalt have many injuries from "that Hoooor of Charlois I
got from that cowboy calf-dealer."
30)Thou shalt wear cap crooked.
31)Thou shalt love all Big John Wayne's fims, especially "The Quiet Man."
32)Thine son shall be nicknamed "Bungalow," 'cos "he's got nothin'
upstairs."
33)Thou shalt shoot stray dogs.
34)Thou shalt drown cats.
35)Thou shalt think all Lesbians are from Lesbia.
36)Thou shalt annually run the tractor off the end pit when trampling
silage.
37)Thou shalt taste all barrels of Molasses.
3 Thou shalt think it's great craic to ring PJ and roar into the
phone while he's with "the bit of stuff".
39)Thine favourite chat-up line shallt be "Howya fixshed for a bit of
howya goin' on?" whilst winking like an epileptic.
40)Thou shalt paint "Whatever County for Sam!" on all of your round
bales.
41)Thou shalt never leave the country.
42)Thou shalt only bathe on a sathurday niyat, using only carbolic
soap.
43)Thou shalt have a heinz-57 mongrel of a dog which is good for
nothin' except terrorising the neighbour's sheep.
44)Thou shalt read the read the Farmer's Journal.
45)Thou shalt always support your county GAA team whilst curshing
them for being "pure sh!te" at every given oppurtunity.
46)Thine sweet of choice shall be either Ritchies After Dinner Mints
or Silvermints.
47)Thou shalt only be aware of strippers of the bovine kind.
4 Thou shalt refer to soccer as "The Foriegn Game."
49)Thou shalt always sing the dirty line to "Alice".
50)Thou shalt always recieve Communion on the tongue,
licking the priest's hand in the process.