Chuck Noris. 1 day ago



Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.

Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.

"One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Chuck Norris! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ChuckNorris' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it’s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.

Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.

Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.

Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face.

Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus.

People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply...Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris wears Orion's Belt around his pinky toe and he eats with the Big Dipper.

Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder.

Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.

Chuck Norris was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known as Sir Beatdown.

Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated. Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated.

In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly because they knew Chuck Norris was coming.

Chuck Norris has never looked a baby in the eyes cause it might him cry but if he does it also makes him want to punch a baby.

Chuck norris doesnt go at the speed of light, he goes at the speed of Norris

Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet.

Before sliced bread, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Chuck Norris". But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhouse kicked a loaf of bread into slices.

Chuck Norris's sweat has burned holes in concrete.

The wind of Chuck Norris’s round house kick can be felt from 1600 million miles away

Chuck Norris has held the World Championship in every weight class at the same time.

There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.

There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Chuck Norris.

Earth's emergency defence plan in case of alien invasion is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down

Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.

On the SAT if you put Chuck Norris for every answer you will score over 8000

The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Chuck Norris

When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame

Chuck Norris doesnt use after shave, he uses liquid hot magma.

When Chuck norris found this web-site while surfing the internt, he round house kicked his computer...10 new facts were added instantly.including this one

You can lead a hor

First Name; Dylan
Middle Name; penis
Were you named after anyone? my mums friends dog glamorous ehh.
Do you like your name? sure.
If not, what would you change it to? the machine
Were you almost named something else? how do i know i wasnt alive
Who named you? guess.

Appearance
Hair color? brownish ginger
Happy with it? yep its just hair
Do you dye your hair? yeah
If yes, what colors has your hair ever been? all of them holmes
Is your hair long or short? short
What shampoo do you use? HERBAL ESSENCES
Conditioner? " " duh.
Are your teeth straight? ish
Do you/did you have braces? nope
What color are your eyes? green
Are you happy with it? yup. (: (:
Do you wear contacts or glasses? naaah
What hand do you write with? Righty
Your gender? lad

When is your birthday? 28th november
What time were you born? 11.11 coincidence i think not
Do you share a birthday with any of your friends? i share nothing im like a german or something
What about family members? no
What about celebrities? i dont know
What's your Zodiac sign? sagitarious
What age do you wish you were? 19
What age do you act? 78 my prostate flaired up like a bitch

Sizes

Height; 6 fett 1 inch
Weight; 10/11 stone
Shoe size; 11
Ring size; fat

School

What grade are you in? grade? what is this, ass town. gawd
What school do you attend? the grammar
Are you full of school spirit?!?! i dic k on my school
What do people stereotype you as? fucking hippie bastard is the usual phrase shouted at me
What classes are you taking? all of them
Your favorite class? Music probably. Due to the amount of work we do..
Least favorite class? spanish raaaaaaaaaaaaaar
Favorite teacher? jesus hes taught me alot

Friends

Best? the stu
Oldest? ryan
Newest? ???????/
Nicest?
Meanest?stuart
Prettiest? rachel in my opinion
Ugliest? ryan tubz
Best singer? Ella she still cant hold a candle to me lol
Best dancer? i dunno
Smartest? steven gordan
Dumbest? thor but you dont need an i.q to crush skulls
Most perverted? god stuart oh god
Most stuck up? if they were stuck up they wouldnt be my friends
Funniest? Ella
Sweetest? penis

Religion

Favorites

Type of music? decent type
Band? alkaline trio and system
Song?life less frightening --rise against
Singer? matt skiba
Actress? milla jokavitch
Actor? stiffler
Author? stephen king
Book? harry potter
T.V. Show? heroes its orgasmic
Cartoon? fairly odd parents family guy
Movie? braveheart or x men
Food? italian
Drink? absinthe it hurts but its worth it
Number? 2&6
Word? penis
Thing to do? me im easy
Day of the week; saturday
Week of the year; uhm first week of summer
Month of the year? november
Day of the year; last daya school.
Language; black Dawg