Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck
Norris allows to live.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.

When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

God wanted 10 days to create the world. Chuck Norris gave him 6.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.