Disturbing beer news
Yesterday, University scientists released the results of a recent analysis
that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should
take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer
contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking
enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each within a 1hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1) Gained weight.
2) Talked excessively without making sense.
3) Became overly emotional.
4) Couldn't drive.
5) Failed to think rationally.
6) Argued over nothing.
7) Had to sit down while urinating.
Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

No further testing was considered necessary.

THE FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS

Stage 1 - CLEVER
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known
universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your
knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always right.
And, of course, the person you are talking to is very wrong.This makes for
an interesting argument when both parties are CLEVER.

Stage 2 - ATTRACTIVE
This is when you realise that you are the most ATTRACTIVE person in the
entire bar and that everyone fancies you. You can go up to a perfect
stranger knowing that they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in
mind that you are still CLEVER, so you can talk to this person about any
subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the RICHEST person in the room. You can buy
drinks for the entire bar because you have a bottomless wallet. You can also
make bets at this stage because of course you are still CLEVER so,
naturally, you will always win. Anyway, it doesn't matter how much you bet
because you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy,
in the knowledge that you are clearly the most ATTRACTIVE person present.

Stage 4 - INVINCIBLE
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those
with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because you are now
INVINCIBLE. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people
who you fancy and challenge them to a battle of wits or strength. You have
no fear of losing this battle, because as well as being INVINCIBLE you are
CLEVER, you're RICH and you're more ATTRACTIVE than them anyway.

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do
anything,because you are now INVISIBLE. You can dance on a table to impress
the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot
see you. You can also snog the face off them for the same reason.You are
also INVISIBLE to the people who want to fight you. You can walk through the
street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you
and because you're still CLEVER you know all the words.

You Know You Are Living in 2006 When...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.