Q) What is the difference between Brendan Sutton and a brick?

A) A brick is soft.

Brendan Sutton sleeps with the night light on, not because he is afraid of the dark...because the dark is scared of him.

If Brendan Sutton is late, time better slow the fuck down.

Brendan Sutton went to the virgin islands, by the time he left, they were just the islands.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Brendan Sutton.

Brendan Sutton doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Brendan Sutton has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Brendan Sutton.

Brendan Sutton does not sleep. He waits.

Brendan Sutton is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Brendan Sutton is the reason why Wally is hiding.

Brendan Sutton counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Brendan Sutton' beard. There is only another fist.

When Brendan Sutton does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Brendan Sutton is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Brendan Sutton' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

There is no such thing as global warming. Brendan Sutton was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Brendan Sutton can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Brendan Sutton doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Brendan Sutton gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Brendan Sutton can slam a revolving door.

Brendan Sutton does not get frostbite. Brendan Sutton bites frost

Contrary to popular belief, Australia is not a democracy, it is a Sutatorship.

The leading causes of death in the Austraila are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Brendan Sutton 3. Cancer

Brendan Sutton is my Homeboy.

Guns don't kill people. Brendan Sutton kills People.

Brendan Sutton can speak braille.

Some Kids piss their name in the snow...Brendan Sutton pisses his name in the concrete.

If you spell Brendan Sutton wrong on google its does'nt say, "Did you mean Brendan Sutton?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have a chance."

Once a brown snake bit Brend Suttons leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the brown snake died.

Brendan Sutton is not hung like a horse, a horse is hung like Brendan Sutton.

Giraffes were created when Brendan Sutton uppercutted a horse.

Andrew Johns can pass a footy 50 metres. Brendan Sutton can throw Andrew Johns even further.

Brendan Sutton secretly sleeps with every women in the world once a month. As A result they bleed for a week.

Brendan Sutton does not use pickup,lines he simply says,"Now'.

Brendan Sutton can drown a fish.

Brendan Sutton once took his place is a pissing contest outside of a bar, his opponent drowned.

Brendan Sutton, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Brendan, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."

Brendan Sutton frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

A blind man once stepped on Brendan Suttons shoe. Seb replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Brendan Sutton!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Brendan Sutton.

When Brendan Sutton sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Brendan Sutton has not had to pay taxes ever.

Brendan Sutto