Ronaldinho, Zinedine Zidane and James McFadden are standing before God at
the throne of Heaven.
God looks at them and says; "before granting you a place at my side, I
must first ask you what you believe in."
Addressing Ronaldinho first he asks, "what do you believe?
Ronaldinho looks God in the eye and states passionately, "I believe
Football to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy
to so many people from the slums of Rio to the bright lights of Barcelona.
I have devoted my life to bring such joy to people who stood on the
terraces supporting their club."
God looks up and offers Ronaldinho the seat to his left.
He then turns to Zidane, "and you, Zinedine , what do you believe?"
Zidane stands tall and proud, "I believe courage, honour and passion are
the fundamentals to life and I've spent my whole playing career
providing a living embodiment of these traits."
God, moved by the passion of the speech offers Zidane the seat to his right.
Finally, he turns to Faddy "and you, James, what do you believe?"
"I believe" says Faddy "you're sitting in ma seat."

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Have you ever wanted to punch me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why?
7. Describe me in 1 word...
8. What was your first impression of me?
9. Do you still think the same?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you no me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something you couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what i say about you?

1.People who point at their wrist while asking for the
time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point
at my cock when I ask where the toilet is?


2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search
the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and
eat it too"... Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say
"it's always the last place you look"... Of course
it is..
Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it?
Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see
that?"... No tosser,
I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the
fucking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"....Didn't
really give me a
choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'...Which is it? If
it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an
improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short"...What the fuck?? Life
is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do
that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has
the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they
used to be'.
So what did they used to be? Ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that
nice?' No it's
fucking revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks,
that's an image I really didn't need.

13.
McDonald's staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't
insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It's has
to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well
I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser.

14. When you're involved in an accident and someone asks 'are
you alright?'
Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.