God, I'll never forget it now. We got a new boiler..... Ah howya Ted, i was just telling Jack there about the thing, how did you fair with yours because they have no morals and no respect for human life, but what they do have, and no-one can deny this now...... they have the finest collection of boilers in the world.. and i include canada in that.
God i remember the first time I saw that boiler now, beautiful!!

Ah did you get them specially Ted, cause you can buy them down the shop ya know, any number you like... 1, 7, 20, 112, all the way up to 409 i tink it is, and if u want more they send off for them, and they send them back to you in an envelope, a normal kind of thing, rectangular, 4 corners, thats the way i like them anyway, the old envelopes, no round envelopes for me, no way jose.

Wel dis is a piece of advice my father gave to me. This refers not only to laging, but all forms of insulation: he said "dont ever"...no, wait, it was "always"...no, "never" - oh, I forgot. Never mind. Whats your favourite huming noise? Would it be mmm-mmm or would it be mmm-mm? The first one there now thats the sound of a fridge; and the second one, thats the sound of a man huming. You never hear a woman huming. I knew a woman once, but she died soon afterwrds. Now if you push me to it, I'd have to say my favorit color is grey. No, blue. A soft blue with a hint of grey. No, orange. Yes, orange. I remember now. Now, I had an extension put on the house, and I put it on the extension, so the house is in a circle now, you see...............

Listen to this, absolutely brilliant!!! Copy and paste it into ur address bar!:

http://cupcate.vox.com/library/audio...

"Real Madrid are like a rabbit in the glare of the headlights in the face of Manchester United's attacks. But this rabbit comes with a suit of armour in the shape of two precious away goals."

“And Hyypia rises like a giraffe to head the ball clear.”

"Russia have beaten Ireland 4-2, Albania 4-1 and now Switzerland 4-1 at home. It would be a wise man who bet against them beating Georgia."

”What a goal. What a goal! Straight through the legs of Adams, it flew towards the roof of the net like a Wurlitzer!"

”The midfield are like a chef...........trying to prise open a stubborn oyster to get at the fleshy meat inside.”

“The orange tide is lapping against the green door which refuses to open.”

"Glum Oranges. In fact I think the fruit their feelings are more akin to is a lemon."

”Kevin Moran.....oldest man on the pitch today...35 years of age.....of course the referee could possibly be older than that ......and technically he's on the pitch too.....then again his linesmen could be even older than him... but are they technically 'on' the pitch.”

”That should be NO problem for the defence - OH NOOOO!!"

"Poland have to score twice now to draw and they will not do so."
The Poles duly knock one in. Minutes later.....

"I might be tempting fate but I can't see the Poles Scoring...OH NOOOO they just have!!"

George: "Roy Carsley has it"
Jim: "Lee Carsley, George"
George: "Ah yes, perhaps it's because his head reminds me of Ray Wilkins"

“Italy are preparing to make a substitution - and it is, the unmistakable figure............of Roberto Baggio”
George announces the arrival on the pitch of..... Gianluca Vialli. Unfortunately, the two subs had got their shirts mixed up.

“And Ireland have got to contain the brothers Baggio.
The Baggio brothers, of course, are not related.”

“If that’s not offside, I’m a Chinaman!”

“You sir, are an idiot!”

”Red Sky at night, good day tomorrow.”

“He's pulling him off. The Spanish manager is pulling his Captain off!”