Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you’re still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.


Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then cook him a nice meal.


Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it’s great time to clean the house too!) Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.


Q: My husband doesn’t know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.


Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.


Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I’m not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you’ve forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

1) When you're driving and looking for an address why do youu turn down the volume on the radio?

2) How can you hear yourself think?

3) Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty was an egg?

4) Why does 'Fat chance' and 'Slim chance' mean the same thing?

5) Why is it called a building if its aleady built?

6) Why is the word abbreviate so long?

7) If a person who suffered from amnesia was cured, would they ever remember they forgot?

If you died with braces on would they take them off?

9) Is it possible to get addicted to counselling? If so, hows it treated?

10) If you try, fail and succeed what did you just do?

11) Do fish sleep?

12) Aren't you tired of people asking you rhetorical questions and you don't if they are rhetorical or not?

13) Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

14) Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

15) Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

16) Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

17) If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

1 Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

19) Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

20) Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

21) If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

22) Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

23) Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies
wake up like every two hours?

24) If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a
hearing?

25) Why do people pay to go up tall buildings & then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?

26) Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going
to see you naked anyway.

27) Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

2 What do you call male ballerinas?

29) Can blind people see their dreams?

30) Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (Or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say you better be. Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "fuck you" and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

9. Warm her up when shes cold . . . and not by giving her your jacket . . . Then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

10. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

11. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

12. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

13. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

14. Give her one of your t-shirts . . . and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

15. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

16. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

17. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

18. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

19. If shes mad at you for not calling her when you say you will promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now shell be really excited. Now don't call.

20. Next time you are having sex, make sure you get off before she does, then get off her and leave. Girls love that