1) A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says, "show me it's true what they say about black men." So he stabs her and nicks her purse.

2)I called that rape advice line earlier today. Unfortunately it's only for victims.

3)A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."

4)A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

5)I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow.I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels.
I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to fuck the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping up pages of a phonebook and swearing my head off. After getting the money, I'll take a shit on the floor and piss everywhere. I then will escape in a van shaped like a giant pink cock.
Let's see Crimewatch fucking stage a reconstruction of that.

6)Disabled toilets:- Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

7)The other day I told my neighbour Jerome that he was like Marmite. He said, "What, you either love me or you hate me?" I said, "No, you're black and you smell."

Police have finally admitted they got it wrong in the shooting of Jean Charles de Menez.
It was his naughty brother Dennis they were after.

9)Zebo, a half blind 5 year old African orphan has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes.

Please give just a small donation of £2 and we will send you the video; it's fucking hilarious!

10)Did you hear about the cheesegrater Stevie Wonder's wife got him for his birthday?
The most violent book he's ever read.

whats your name ?
how do you no me ?
what u fink of me ?
am i a flirt ?
when was the last time i saw u ?
did you ever want 2 hit me and why ?
what reminds you of me ?
do you have a crush on me ?
do u fink am a good friend ?
do i chat too much ?
do you have my number ?
do i have yours ?

Would You.....

ki$$ m£ ??--
f##k m£ ??--
giv£ m£ ur numb£r ??--
go out with m£ ??--
£v£r luv m£ ??--
hug m£ ??--

Do ya think i am...
cut£ ??--
s£xi ??--
bad ??--
sound ??--
mad ??--
ugly ??--
funny ??--

Random gu£stions...
do ya know m£ ??--
do ya fanci£ m£ ??--
do ya wan2 go with m£ ??--
do ya want my numb£r ??--
n£fin 2 say b4 ya go ??__