Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris can hear silence.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris doesn't need Viagra, he just thinks of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Every time Chuck Norris smiles it saves the life of a dying man. Ironically, Chuck Norris only smiles after he kills someone.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris' action figure has slept with more women then most men.

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

A recent poll discovered 93% of women think about Chuck Norris during sex. A similar poll discovered Chuck Norris thinks about Chuck Norris 100% of the time during sex.

Chuck Norris invented the spoon because using knives to kill people was just too easy.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

Wilt Chamberlin claims to of slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

Chuck Norris does not know about this site. Otherwise he would have deleted the internet.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

A man was once stranded on the side of the road after his car ran out of gas. Chuck Norris drove by, got out, and looked the man in the eye. The man knew that everything would be fine. Then Chuck proceeded to piss into the man's gas tank and to

Liverpool Hounors

League Champions 18-1900-01 1905-06 1921-22 1922-23 1946-47 1963-64 1965-66 1972-73 1975-76 1976-77 1978-79 1979-80 1981-82 1982-83 1983-84 1985-86 1987-88 1989-90


Division Two Winners 4-1893-94 1895-96 1904-05 1961-62

Lancashire League Winners 1- 1892-93

FA Cup Winners 7- 1964-65 1973-74 1985-86 1988-89 1991-92 2000-01 2005-06

League Cup Winners 7- 1980-81 1981-82 1982-83 1983-84 1994-95 2000-01 2002-03

Football Association Charity Shield Winners 15- 1964* 1965* 1966 1974 1976 1977* 1979 1980 1982 1986* 1988 1989 1990* 2001 2006 ( * shared)

European Cup Winners 5- 1976-77 1977-78 1980-81 1983-84 2004-05

UEFA Cup Winners 3- 1972-73 1975-76 2000-01

European Super Cup Winners 3- 1977 2001 2005

Super Cup Winners 1 1985-86

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