* There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t
* If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0
* I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly
* My software never has bugs. It just develops random features
* Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you
* In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
* Hand over the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk
* I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code
* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…
* The box said ‘Requires Windows 95 or better’. So I installed LINUX
* A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax
* Unix, DOS and Windows…the good, the bad and the ugly
* A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila
* The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong
* UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity
* Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
* C /dos
C /dos.run
run.dos.run
* You know it’s love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead
* JUST SHUT UP AND REBOOT!!
* 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
* Alcohol & calculus don’t mix. Never drink & derive
* How do I set a laser printer to stun?
* There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer
* Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button
* It’s not bogus, it’s an IBM standard
* Be nice to the nerds, for all you know they might be the next Bill Gates!
* The farther south you go, the more dollar stores there are
* Beware of programmers that carry screwdrivers
* The difference between e-mail and regular mail is that computers handle e-mail, and computers never decide to come to work one day and shoot all the other computers
* If you want a language that tries to lock up all the sharp objects and fire-making implements, use Pascal or Ada: the Nerf languages, harmless fun for children of all ages, and they won’t mar the furniture
* COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
* Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning
* LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses
* The beginning of the programmer’s wisdom is understanding the difference between getting program to run and having a runnable program
* Squash one bug, you’ll see ten new bugs popping
* Everytime i time i touch my code, i give birth to ten new bugs
* boast = blogging is open & amiable sharing of thoughts
* We are sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again
* Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted
* If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBO
* Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner
* Bad or corrupt header, go get a haircut
* Unrecognized input, get out of the class
* Warning! Buffer overflow, close the tumbler !
* WinErr 547: LPT1 not found… Use backup… PENCIL & PAPER
* Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
* Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
* Best file compression around: “rm *.*” = 100% compression
* Hackers in hollywood movies are phenomenal. All they need to do is “c:\> hack into fbi”
* BREAKFAST.COM Halted…Cereal Port Not Responding
* I survived an NT installation
* The name is Baud……James Baud
* My new car runs at 56Kbps
* Why doesn’t

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the ~censored~ he wants.

Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris keeps his ID on the bottom of his right foot. Nobody ever asks him for his ID.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take sh*t from anyone.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.

Chuck Norris was originally going to be crucified along with Jesus and the thieves. When they couldn't get the nails through his skin, they decided to let him off with a warning. Amused by this, Chuck Norris gave his own warning. We know this today as the Book of Revelations.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ~censored~ Indian.


Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris has to

Geeky Pickup Lines (*NEW*)
1. You’re like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere!

2. I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.

3. You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!

4. If I was an enzyme, I’d be helicase so I could unzip your genes.

5. I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.

6. Baby, you overclock my processor.

7. Be my queen and mate me with your knight moves.

8. Baby, you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive

9. You make me want to calibrate my joystick without the latest drivers.

10.You defragment my life.

11. Do you think we can make it a step more serious and disable network sharing?

12. You must be auxin, cause you are causing me to have rapid stem elongation.

13. Baby, let me find your nth term.

14. I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?

15. Baby I’ll treat you like my homework — I’ll slam you on the table and do you all night long

16. Hey baby, can I see what’s under your radical?

17. If I were an integral, I’d fill you up.

18. I’m a fermata… hold me

19. I think my heart just lagged.

20. I wish I were your second derivative so I could fill your concavities.

21. Did you just combust?? Because you’re HOT!

22. By looking at you I can tell you’re 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.

23. It doesn’t take a genius to see how gorgeous you are, but if it did, I would be overqualified.

24. Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be what they call FINE PRINT!

25. What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply

26. Baby, you’re a 9.999999999…but you’d be a 10 if you were with me.

27. Baby, every time I see you, my cardiovascular system gets all worked up

28. I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.

29. What’s your sine? It must be pi/2 because you’re the 1

30. If my right leg was Christmas and my left was Easter, would you like to spend some time between the holidays?

31. You have nicer legs than an Isosceles right triangle.

32. You’re so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract. (Muscles that make you smile)

33. When you and me get together it’s like superposition of 2 waves in phase.

34. Want to meet up so I can excite your natural frequency?

35. If I was sin^2 and you were cos^2 together we would be 1

36. You know.. it’s not the length of the vector that counts… it’s how you apply the force

37. If I move my lips half the distance to yours… and then half again… and again… etc…. would they ever meet? no? Well in this specific case I am going to disprove your assumption.

38. Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!

39. If I was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?

40. I wish I was an Ion so I could form an exothermic bond with you.

41. If my right leg is the cell wall and my left the membrane, do you want to be the cytoplasm?

42. Our love is like dividing by zero…. you cannot define it

43. Let’s meet somewhere… you bring your beaker and I’ll bring my stirring rod

44. Baby let me be your integral so I can be the area under your curves

45. Hey baby, what’s your tanx cosx?

46. Let’s get together and test the spring potential of my mattress

47. Let’s discover our coefficient of friction

48. Baby, you’re so gneiss I’ll never take you for granite.

49. I less than three you….. (i < 3 you)

50. I heard you’re sin because you’re always on top when we make tangent


old lines...

I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.

Nice legs...what time do they open?

Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.

You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

Can