Working in the oil lndustry:

1. We work in weird shifts ... Like prostitutes.

2. They pay you to make the client happy ... Like prostitutes.

3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost every penny ... Like prostitutes.

4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client's dreams ... Like prostitutes.

5. Your friends fall apart and you end up hanging out with people in the same profession as you ... Like prostitutes.

6. When you have to meet the client you always have to be perfectly groomed ... Like prostitutes.

7. But when you go back home it seems like you are coming back from hell ... Like prostitutes.

8. The client always wants to pay less but expects incredible things from you ... Like prostitutes.

9. When people ask you about your job, you have difficulties explaining it ... Like prostitutes.

10. Everyday when you wake up, you say: I'M NOT GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE DOING THIS SHIT"..... Like prostitutes.

The only difference is the prostitutes can take Christmas and New Year's Eve off and they actually DO make a lot of Money!!!

If you know someone in the oil industry please share this email with them so they don't feel bad anymore.... Like prostitutes!!!

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to
lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long robe.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Rinse off.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with a cleaner.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of Hyde Park.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.



HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake your dick at her making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your dick and scratch your arse.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot away.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your arse, leaving those coarse arse hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohican.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire your dick in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake your dick at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle.
They head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
"Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere, " says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place.
" He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, "F**k dat. Dis budgie jumping is too f**k'n
dangerous for me!"

THERE'S MORE. . .

Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass.
He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in
the other.
"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says.
He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.
He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.
Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says,
"And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!"

IT IS NOT OVER YET. . .

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.
Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits
a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
"F**k dat, lads.
First dere was Gerry with his budgiejumping,
den Seamus parrotshooting....
and now Sean and his f**k'n hengliding!"