Uh.. Why is Rod kissing his sister?

[Hayley] My mother stole my boyfriend! [Stan] Your boyfriend stole my wife! Let's get back at them by dating each other! Wait, Daddy didn't think that through

Does he look like a bitch?

'When it came to my generation it was, 'DONT FUCK ANYONE OR YOU'LL DIE!''

*closes visor* Porn, Porn, More Porn, Oh Earn Money While Watching Porn, I'm So There

I caught you a delicious Bass..

I've had it with these mother fuckin' snakes on this mother fuckin' plane!!

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?

Zapp: Now remember Kif, the quickest way to a girls bed is through her parents. Have sex with them, and you're in!

Do not touch Willy. Good advice.

This, Is, Spartaaaaaaaaa!

He's so hot right now

[advert] you have a tough day at the office, so you come home, make yourself some dinner, smother your kids, pop in a movie, maybe have a drink. It's fun right?...wrong, don't smother your kids.

[To JD & Turk] I could hit you over the head with the wrench... Or, I could stab you in the gut with the knife. [Sings KNIFE-WRENCH!!] Practical & safe.. OWW!!

Knife-Wrench!!!.... For Kids!

You can read mine, of course it says my name is Captain Billy Stinkwater and that I'm half gopher

Newbie, if the next two words out of your mouth aren't 'See ya' then the third word will be 'Oh my god. My crotch. You've punched me in my crotch.'

'That's my lab table and this is my work-stool. And over there is my inter-galactic spaceship. And here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire.'