Hello all,

I'm now to be found scribbling at www.coddlepot.com with two Manuels and a very tasty Flann.

If you like to read uncomfortable interviews with MC Hammer and his ever-escaping lad, top tips for smuggling drugs into Electric Picnic, serving soup to sweaty people, or the fascist line on religious visions, you're more than welcome over at ours. Let's face it; no one else will have you.

You can also follow us at http://twitter.com/Coddlepot

Antrim: Windswept and interesting, you've never been more in demand, but don't let it go to your head. Sooner or later everyone will realise there's no more to you lot then a heap of stones on a beach somewhere, so try to do an Open University course or bring peace or something while you're waiting.
Beware of Norn Irish ad execs demanding freebies; there's nothing long-term in their wooing.

Armagh: With your moon stashed in a barn under a pile of turf, it's important to remember that those around you will struggle to keep up. Not everyone's running on the dizzying fumes of cheap petrol, you know, so slow down and breathe out slowly.
Beware those in counterfeit balaclavas; they might just be the Criminal Assets Bureau.

Carlow: The planets signal a spurt of growth for you this week, both in terms of personal development (you won't drive your motorbike into a tree) and your beard (your beard). Mercury in your rear-view mirror gives you that extra speed to place in one of the forty rallies you've signed up for on Saturday.
Beware of low-flying swallows.

Cavan: Finances may be tight as Jupiter gets the gawks on Tuesday morning. It might be an idea to get on to Paddy "The Knuckles" Murphy and arrange an extension to your homemade mortgage. True, it's another seven years of 100% interest, but that's a small price to pay for having your kneecaps, isn't it?
Beware of skulking henchmen when backing out of that huge driveway.

Clare: Uranus is nearly as huge as your ego this week. You might want to get that checked out. Have you not been hurling well recently or what?
Beware of people from South County Galway. They just plain don't like you.

Cork: C'mere, being naturally highly-strung, like, you may need to keep a hold of your octaves this week for fear of shattering the eardrums of your loved ones, like. Things could come to blows as Mars finishes its bender and loses the run of itself around Thursday, but c'mere, that's ok, there's plenty more blow around here somewhere, like.
Beware of collapsing septums.

Derry: Venus/Londonvenus moves into the third house this month, as the last two were destroyed in arson attacks.
Beware Donegal; it's getting ever closer.

Donegal: With Saturn slipping a disc, it might be a good time to evaluate your life, maybe even stop getting Sligo women pregnant at weekends. There are plenty of decent women in Letterkenny... alright, maybe not Letterkenny, but there are plenty more fish in the s... alright, so you've fished the sea dry, but... ah, just keep doing what you're doing, Donegal. No one outside the Sligo social welfare cares anyway.
Beware of Daniel O'Donnell. He's making a mockery of you all.

Down: Planetary patterns suggest now's the right time to say, "What about ye?" and "Nai you're suckan' diesel!" to the rest of us. Why? Because you guys are funny. Say "siteeeation". Ah, do.
Beware of democracy hidden in Gerry Adam's beard.

Dublin: Recent financial trends have negatively affected your vowels. Going astrologically, it's time take stock and heroin again. The veins in Uranus are plump.
Beware of Dublin 4; it's imploding.

Fermanagh: Ah, come on now. Everyone knows Fermanagh isn't real.

Galway: With Neptune slipping into something a little more comfortable, and the arts festival season of raunchy debauchery nearly upon you, it's imperative you go and get last year's funny rash checked out. It's starting to smell. And no, it's not just something in the water.
Beware the water, all the same.

Kerry: The presence of celestial bodies in your cowshed should make things a little creamier, but the lack of American tourists this year more than compensates. You'll be whinging, moaning and keening again before the week is out.
Beware of high-rise flat caps; like the Aquadome, they're a false economy.

Kildare: With Venus splattered all over your mudguards for the foreseeable future, the twelve-day commute to work is looking less and less attractive. Best not to i

In that whatnow? Bloggers and blog pages are a bit of an anomaly, in that they tend to be written by journos and yet ignored by journos... all that's changing now, down to pioneers like Damien Mulley (www.mulley.net), Twenty Major (www.twentymajor.net) and Bock the Robber (www.bocktherobber.com). And by pioneers I mean brash scary fuckers with their own mafia. I'm not joking in Bock's case.

Arse End has had a coupla mentions in the real world though. It won Best Humour Blog at the 2009 Blog Awards, the first win on the tail of seven previous nominations (including a shortlisting for overall Best Blog three years running). Sweary's been on the radio (but it was local Dublin radio and her Mammy didn't hear it, so it didn't count). And once she was even in a literary agent's office, although talk of writing chick-lit made her barrel through the windows in temper and tears.

Most chuffertingly, the Irish Times said of Sweary "when her anger is focused... (she is) arguably the most talented writer at work today in Ireland", and in a later article, Sweary was mentioned thusly
"Straight-talking and savagely witty, The Swearing Lady is a young mother living in a Galway council estate who knows what it’s like to be “young, intelligent and stuck in the arse end of Ireland”. Every day, she takes the Celtic Tiger by the scruff (Ireland, “where shoes are more important than feet”) and gives it a sound kicking in prose that sears."

The Council Estate might be well gone (I'm wasting a grand a month on a real world hellhole now, foo's), and the Celtic Tiger might be a thing of the past and all, but the arse end of Ireland is something we all can relate to, so the blog trundles on oblivious.

Do pop in. Hits and comments feed cute orphans. It's scientifically proven!