Well, it's shit . that's right , shit! Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.

Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.

You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.

And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!

Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head...........

Well, Shit Happens!!!

A teenager for his eighteenth birthday gets 50 bucks from his dad and his dad tells him to go 2 a hooker bar and get any slut BUT Sandpaper Sally. The guy says "ok", and goes to the place. He finds out there's noone there but Sandpaper Sally so he decides to come back later. After about an hour, he comes back and still only Sandpaper Sally is there, so he says" Screw it, I am not waiting any longer." So he's in there with her and he says" OWWW!!!! Damn that hurts like a bitch!" She says," Hold on a minute." So she goes to the bathroom for about 10 minutes then comes out. They start doing the Matrress Mambo and he says," Wow that feels much better, how'd you do it?" She says" I just picked my scabs.

ARIES Drinking style: Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes
don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them
prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they
get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk I as
good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries
can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever
happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be
counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done
anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.

TAURUS Drinking style: Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming
for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated
Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-China-shop inebriate
who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the
preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and
barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the
Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, ER,
gregarious (full of loud mouth soup, some would say) and is extremely
amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

GEMINI Drinking style: Gemini's can drink without changing their behavior
much-- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's
just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse
and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of
intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Gemini's possess the magic ability
to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with
several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round
-- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer,
sauvignon blanc and
limoncello) for their own amusement.

CANCER Drinking style: Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with
dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it,
Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard
against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and
insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers
are never really drunk; instead, they get 'tired and emotional' (read: weepy
when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping stories (and
spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even
your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla,
and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.

LEO Drinking style: Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous
dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding
dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're
darling -Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit,
probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get
over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one
what rung them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so
just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expects a sheepish (and hung
over) Lion to make it up to you the next day. *

VIRGO Drinking style: Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto
their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking
less than other signs, sure --but it could also lead to drinking booze neat,
to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully
shellacked -- but, oh, when they do!
Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking
within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and
surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, 'I'm going to
drink myself into a low-level of intelligence tonight.' A toast to the