A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

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How are women and tornadoes alike?

They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

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A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!". The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter." The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!"

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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

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One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She said "Santa, will you stay with me?", Santa replied, "Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."

So she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

"Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to gook girls and boys."

She takes off everything and says "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

Santa replies "Gotta stay, gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!"

These are a few everyday sayings that we British made up!

Any Tom, Dick or Harry

Anything for a quiet life

Armed to the teeth

At death's door

At the end of one's tether

Back to basics

Bank on

Bend over backwards

Chance one's arm

Chip in

Chip off the old block

Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

I live in my own little world. But it’s okay; they know me here.

I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

A man dies daily, only to be reborn in the morning, bigger, better and wiser.

A single moment of understanding can flood a whole life with meaning.