In the ghetto you’ve got two families. Your real family who brought you up… who love you and share a bond with you. Then there’s your road family. They may not be your blood but that doesn’t matter - if you aven’t got people you can rely on to have your back and sort things out, then you aven’t got much.
Not havin that protection means that you’re just another neek in the street ready to get taken out. Loyalty to your fam is everythin in the game.

One stormy night in November my crew went to rob this drug dealer they'd caught out in our turf. They wanted to rob him and make an example of him for selling shit on our patch. I went along coz i knew there was hard cash involved. I didnt care who it was... I was out for that dough. we jumped him quickly to make sure he didn't get a chance to use any weapons. I knocked him to the ground and started layin into him, dragged his hoodie off his head to get a picture of this so called 'top dealer' battered an bruised to bluetooth it to other dealers. that was our trademark. I looked down to take the pic and realised it was my older brother derek. I hadn’t seen him since he got sent down.
One of the boys started flashing a knife at him, tellin him he was about to get cut.
I couldn’t believe it... my brother... the boy I grew up and wanted to be like was about to get shanked. So I panicked and told everyone to chill, then they got mad suspicious.
I couldn’t cover it up so I just pleaded with them to jus let him go. Next thing I know they’re up in my face telling me I’m a snake and saying they should sort us both out... So they did. Just like that.

I woke up in a hospital bed in mad pain. Only one of my eyes opened. When I felt for my other eye I could feel my skin had completely swollen up. Apparently I was out cold for two days.

The ringleader of my gang came to visit me in hospital. He wernt there when the madness happened, but he let me know the crew was vex. He gave me two choices... either have beef with the crew or work off the debt by payin back the money they wudda made from Dereks drugs. I knew people who would take the drugs, and i wernt looking to get shot, so I started dealing for nothin.

Eventually I linked up with my bro who survive the attack. we talked about everything.
I resented him though, and i blamed him. How can he just gonna come out of prison an not holla??? then start doing his own thing back on the roads. I know him an my mum aint cool but he cudda at least told his lil bro when he got out of jail.

He told me he wernt part of no gang any more, sed some crap about dealing again just to make ends meet. I realised that we didn’t have anyone except each other. Yeah it was like the old days but that didnt make things alright.

Some one called the police about the madness me an Derek had with the crew. I was mad. people snitchin meant the crew were gonna be on my back for sure. i got in touch with feds an told them straight that I weren’t snitchin on noone. They tried to make me talk bare times but i wasnt looking to get my head kicked in again so i just left it. When i was at hospital i met an ex gang member called Kyle who used to be in my brothers crew. He was a nurse. That got me maddddd thinking. He was a hard dealer an he had status on road. now here he was dressing my wounds.

I knew that if anyone could help me leave the roads behind and get back on my feet it would be him. Me an Kyle spoke an he sed he'll help me but only coz i was Derek's brother an he still had his back. I knew he didnt mind helping me but i knew if i let him down i'd be on my own.

Kyle started taking me to local community groups. They were a joke as far as i was concerned. Mans like me cant just be seen sitting around a table expressin ma problems. I tried to tell Kyle but he started actin all dodgy tellin me im wastin his time an to get back on the roads if i aint interested. the choice between the safe community group an the ro

A lot of people think that kids in gangs are in it for the glamor. There ain’t no glamor where I’m from, it’s all about surviving.

I remember being 12 and looking up to the olders in my area who did whatever they liked. I always wanted what they had… everyone knew about them and no one could touch them. They were bringing in money from doing robberies and other stuff that I weren’t allowed to be involved in. They always had new clothes, new phones and other stuff that most people in the ends didn’t have. As I got older my age group wanted more independence to do our own thing… it was time for us to start bringing in our own money and looking out for each other.

Things started getting serious when I was about 15. I started selling my own drugs. Stabbings and fights started happening a lot more. And my mum was always up in my business, saying how I was gonna end up in prison like my brother and next rubbish. Deep down I knew it was coz she cared but I didn’t need to hear it. She didn’t understand that I was on this grind for her.

Apart from what was going on at home, I weren’t that bothered by what I was doing. If I had to steal from someone or sort someone out then it had to be done init. That’s just how it is… there weren’t no jobs where I was living… no opportunities for us to earn a decent living. Yea McDonalds would take you, but that ain’t a career… none of the man I chilled with went and got a proper job. The government didn’t care about the community, they still don’t. If they cared there’d be more money going into the community and kids wouldn’t need to rob and deal drugs. Trust me!

A lot of the time growing up in Brixton wasn’t all fun and games. Ok tell a lie… it was NEVER fun and games. Don’t get me wrong, me and my fam were tight. But I wanted better things with my life. Not having to worry about looking over my shoulder for the bailiffs like my mum or getting caught slippin’ by the police. Like I said, that’s just how it is in that part of Brixton. So our crew started packing knives and straps so we didn’t get left behind.

I never saw myself getting out of that life. always been a believer in karma, and i knew that one day something bad would come my way, so i wern't shocked that it came.. It had always been coming…