Being Scottish is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a
Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American
shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most Scottish thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Scotland can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

Only in Scotland do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to
the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can
buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Scotland do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and
a DIET coke.

Only in Scotland do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to
the counters.

Only in Scotland do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the
drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Scotland do we use answering machines to screen calls and
>>then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we
>>didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Scotland are there disabled parking places in front of a skating
rink.

NOT TO MENTION.

3 Scots die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their >>tongue.

142 Scots were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new
shirts.

58 Scots are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.

31 Scots have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while
the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Scots have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
decorations were chocolate.

Scottish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas
cracker-pulling accidents.

18 Scots had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit
cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Scots were admitted to A&E in the last two years after
trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Scots were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control
Scalextric cars.

and finally...

In 2000 eight Scots were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls
incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

If you're proud to be a Scot, send this on!

SCOTLAND - Love it, or Leave it!

A Wee scottish guy sitting at a bar, a big thug walks in and hits him to the floor and says "thats a karate chop from Korea"

Later the thug walks up to him and hits him again and says "thats a judo chop from Japan"

The wee scottish guy goes out and a few minutes later returns, smacks the thug on the head and knocks him out, with blood splattered everywhere

And says to the barman "when that B*****d wakes up tell him that was a f*****g crowbar from Scotland!!

A Wee scottish guy sitting at a bar, a big thug walks in and hits him to the floor and says "thats a karate chop from korea"

later the thug walks up to him and hits him again and says "thats a judo chop from japan"

The wee scottish guy goes out and a few minates later returns, smacks the thug on the head and knocks him out, with blood splattered everywhere

and says to the barman "when that cunt wakes up tell him that was a fucking crowbar from halfords!!