Just another day in kindergarten

You can read why I am in Kindergarten at
http://asp.elitefts.com/qa/training-...

I'm not even sure where to begin. By and large, yesterday began as a normal Tuesday, with kids not wanting to get dressed, eggs and oatmeal, and trying to answer as many emails as I could before getting out the door in time to get to school.

I always check the school lunch menu to see what they're having so I can decide if I want to pack a lunch or not. Yesterday I didn't do this, figuring, how bad could it be? I was too lazy to check, and I was being rushed.

The first half of the day was great. I did not have to do any intervention work, and I even logged online and caught up on emails. The one thing about working in the back of a kindergarten room is that the table and chair are VERY small, and not very comfortable to sit in for a long time. Luckily, this was a day where the kids were being shuffled to different rooms for other classes -- including chapel, religion, gym, lunch, music and art. While this helps time move faster (notice I didn't say fly), the biggest advantage is that each room has better chairs for big people.

Things went great and lunch FINALLY rolled around. I have no idea how the students do this, but for me, waiting until 12:00 to eat was a VERY long time since my last meal was at 8:00 AM. Yes, I do pack bars and shakes, but I still need food and get extremely hungry, so by the time lunch rolls around I'm jacked and ready to eat.

As I stood in the lunch line with my little stick that lets the lunch lady know I get milk AND lunch, not just milk, I notice we're having:

Salisbury Steak
Mashed Potatoes
Pineapple
Chocolate Pudding
Milk

When my turn came, I flashed the peace sign letting the lunch lady know I wanted my normal two meals. Moments later, I'm mixing up the meat and potatoes with gravy, and I'm loving every bit of it. Lunch was over in thirty minutes, and we went out to recess -- where I've become a pretty good kickball pitcher and have been showing the kids how to use the hopscotch area as an agility ladder. I have no idea how to play hopscotch, but do know a handful of agility drills, so I figured I could put some of them to good use.

As we lined up to go back into the school, the rules were simple: "Find the person in front of you and look at the back of their head." "Tuck your shirts in." "Hands to your sides," and "Find your bubbles."

We were off to get a drink and back to class.

As we walked back I felt my stomach start turning, but I figured this was no big deal -- maybe just too much agility work for one day.

I was WRONG!

As I sat it class, my stomach really started turning and began cramping. Music class was right after recess, and we have not had good luck there. I had to find a way to make it. As I sat in the back of class, I knew I had a problem. My stomach was a mess, and I had to fart like you would not believe. I knew there was no way I could let it launch without causing a disturbance. The school chairs are made of hard plastic with a slight drop in the middle -- almost as though they were meant to broadcast anything that comes out your ass. I knew there was NO way I could try and slip a small one out. Actually, I was more afraid that if I did blow, something would come with it, and then I would have a huge problem.

I did what any parent would do. I sucked it up and found a way to stay tight and make it through. The class went without incident, and my son FINALLY got to place a sticker on the board at the end of class. While I was very happy for him, I really had to make a move. As the kids went back to their room, I made a beeline straight to the restroom.

Now, it's VERY important to know that I'm totally "poop shy." I can go at work, the gym and home, but that's about it. I have done seminars out of town and not gone for two days! Jim can attest to this. Actually, I've tried to learn fro