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Day 1- At 6.25am on Wednesday 10th June 2009, the Rodent RFC squad of 2009 gathered at Edinburgh airport to begin only their second overseas tour to Helsinki, Finland.
Needless to say, there was an air of excitement and frantic anticipation at the prospect of spending five outrageous skites and two days of physical rugby in Finland with the Rodents. You will soon discover that we were not disappointed.Upon checking in, the Rodents gathered in the departure lounge bar where tour organiser Porcupine ordered the largest round of pre-7am beers Edinburgh airport has ever seen. Tour captain, The Skunk, read out the Permission to Tour Letters and the tour rules were clarified....the tour had officially begun. Skite was the order of the day on the short flight to Amsterdam, surprisingly. Skite was also conducted at Amsterdam airport and the realisation of the expense of this tour was apparent as the Hedgehog forked out 32 Euros for 4 beers, wow. At this stage, the Rodents had already been asked to cool it from airport bar staff. It was, however, BLOCKED. After our connecting flight to Finland, the Rodents arrived in Helsinki totally skited, surprisingly. We filled our hydration packs with Voddy and Ribena as we waited for the arrival of the Gopher and the Taz Devil. They were greeted, and we collectively hopped on the bus to the city centre. On the strenuous, zig-zagged walk to our hotel the Skunk and the Stoat stopped and asked some 'friendly' locals for some directions and were swiftly offered oral sex in return for such advice. After much deliberation, the Skunk assured the Stoat that in fact "a mouth is a mouth after all" was incorrect and managed to drag the Stoat away. We arrived at our digs. All was well until a certain ungrateful sod threw the biggest tantrum of all time about having to sleep on a sofa bed. Anyway, we had a quick turnaround, gave our under-carriages the once over and made tracks to the Aussie Bar, where we were to spend a lot of time and money over the next few days....I believe the Shrew can account for this?! The first night of any tour is wild, but this was one was fairly obscene it has to be said. It was business as usual as the Rodents took the place to the cleaners - skulling pints, playing 'cock or ball' and sodomy were all on the cards, surprisingly. However, one Rodent in particular was crowned the drunkest of all as the Shrew proceeded to purchase 4 (maybe 5) bottles of house sparkling wine and distribute them accordingly to all Rodents, before wiping out a table of glassware and females!. Good work Shrew. good work.
READ ON FOR DAYS 2-6
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Day 2 - a quick bit of breakfast was followed by a cultural open-top bus tour of the delectable city of Helsinki. Please note, the majority of Rodents were at least two skites deep by this point. In fact, the Stoat(um) was walking the streets drinking out of a pint glass - you can take a Rodent out of Ireland, but you cant take Ireland out the Rodent! A muckle carry-out was purchased and we embarked on the city tour. It wont come as a surprise that sight-seeing was not the top priority for the Rodents, we treated the bus like a mobile boozer and got torn into the skite. If it wasn't for the Hedgehog penetrating us with Helsinki facts every so often, we would have learnt nothing except for the fact that the Skunk may have contracted AIDS. This topic became possibly the largest source of amusement of the whole tour. Lesions anyone? Who's laughing now?! We proceeded to skite long and hard into the afternoon, witnessing all sorts of things from women getting battered by their much better halves despite several BLOCK attempts, to the Stoat's dad asleep on a park bench. ‘Kangaroo Court’ was held by the Porcupine, as it was every evening for that matter and a messy night ensued.
Day 3 - First day of tournament. With two muckle, all-day skites behind them and only one substitute out of a possible five, it goes without saying that the Rodents were up against it going into the first of the day's five matches. However, spirits in the camp were high and we got off to a flying start as we comfortably saw off our first opponents, despite the ten-minute halves, appalling refereeing and humid conditions! Rugby wise the skill level was not world-class, but the Rodents dominated in the physical battle and some memorable hits were put in by the Squirrel, Gopher and Beaver. Our second match was much the same and we won comfortably. Our third match, however, proved to be much more eventful. The Hedgehog came on in the second half and set up a rare, no-frills try for the Skunk in which we was clobbered in the puss by an opponent's boot! The real action came in the form of the biggest scrap Rodent Rugby has seen against our Russian counterparts - all hell broke loose with the Weasel and Porcupine wading in from the sidelines in a 23-man brawl....sorry, 22-man brawl as our resident brown belt Judo expert the Stoat stood back and watched as we knocked lumps out of each other. Cheers Stoat.... "never leave a Rodent behind"!! Block. The remaining two matches saw the Rodents victorious, with valiant displays from each and every Rodent. It was an awesome effort given the fact that we were hanging from previous skites and were loosely skiting in between matches (Jerboa was heavily skiting however). In order to pick the day up, Vlad and the boys decided to introduce a couple of local Roger Moore's into the equation as the Rodents descended upon them like flies around sh*te. Various commando-style maneuvers were adopted in order to get a glimpse of the local delicacies that lay beneath the thong of the girl in white. Unsurprisingly, only the Squirrel was successful after a fake trip from the Weasel! It was a late return to the skite platform that night with our first scoops coming from Molly Malone's pub. This was to prove a fairly special night with hilarity coming from many sources. The amount of "show me what's under yours and I'll show you what's under mine" calls were ridiculous. No night is complete without a female being on the receiving end of a Rodent beat-down - a young person (as their gender was debatable) was mildly insulted by the Skunk (basics) and when she retaliated by calling him "unattractive" the Porcupine released a batch of abuse all over her, which goes down as one of the funniest moments on tour!! In addition, the first successful game of "Fat Chick Rodeo" was performed in the middle of the bar which is something never to be forgotten.
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Day 4 - After getting in at a collective time of 6am, we were faced with the reality that our first tie in the second day of rugby was at 11am. Once again, the odds were against us and as the Prairie Dog went down injured on the previous day, we really did have Everest to climb. The first game went smoothly with a comfortable win. With the Rat running in some awesome individual tries and running 'Joe Mangles" for fun, combined with some lovely hands from the Degu, darting runs from the Stoat and powerful running from the Squirrel, we felt pretty good. We then faced an inbred team from Latvia in the semi-final who proved to be a real handful, especially in physical encounters. However, remember one thing - NEVER take on a Rodent at his own game...and that game is BOOM TIME! The Rodents were defiant in defence, laying their fur on the line for each other and some memorable hits were put in by the Gopher and Beaver. The Skunk motivated his Rodents by screaming "BOOM!" at every possible opportunity, even when it was himself that was getting tackled! Serious case of Boom overload. Again, the Rat proved dangerous with some searing runs through the midfield and we went on to win. Final Time - we faced the Wandering hands in our eighth and final match. To be fair to them, they were fresh and well-drilled (somewhat similar to a few local females). It was a close encounter and we fought long and hard but narrowly lost to a very dubious try late in the second half. Despite not taking home the silverware, we were exceptionally proud of our performances over the two days and our robust character was evident yet again. An incredible effort from the boys both on and off the field was duly noted by the tournament organisers and they were quoted as saying "that's how touring rugby should be done....." Needless to say, the skite that night was out of control. Rodents doing battle in the Tiger Club as they were doing battle on the field. Nashy (sorry, who?!) Prairie Dog up to usual tricks along with all Rodents skiting hard into the night. Taps aff, kilts on - done. We even met Garth from Wayne's World that night too!
Day 5 - We sadly had to say goodbye to the Rat, the Hedgehog, Paparazzi, Vlad and Nashy Senior on the Sunday. The look of utter dejection on their faces was either a colossal hangover and sadness to be leaving, perhaps a combination of both. However, saying goodbye to a holiday romance is always tough, as is a mere handshake so chin up Rodents. As they left, the Rodents were seen queuing up outside the pub at 1.45pm waiting for it to open in true Rodent style. Round 5 had begun! We need not specify what happened on the epic skite that day, but those involved will know who they are. Boys....in years to come you'll be walking down the street and you'll catch a glimpse of a fellow Rodent and you'll look at each other and you'll know that you achieved something special....you wont need to say anything, just a look.
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just so its no blank any mair!
Lisa Simpson 0 ReplysCOME ON THE RODENTS! Ill be at musselburgh cheerin u lot on!!!!