Bebo

Princess Lupato <princesslupato>

(gemiddelde waardering)

	Review of chapter one	453 dagen geleden
	Sorry, I'm too pushed for time to read all of this, so I'll just review the first chapter. Firstly, I liked your use of dialogue - it was realistic and aided characterisation. Secondly, you have a good sense of timing - you know how to cut short a narration to leave the reader wanting more. If it were a film, I'd say you knew when to cut to a new scene to create tension. The last lines in each section at the most memorable ones as they leave the reader wanting to know what happened next. There were quite a few typos here, particularly with the apostrophe (Princess' means that there is more than one princess - you want to use princess's). Also, I'd never capitalise after speech e.g. ..SPEECH." Opposed the Princess. Even thought it's after a full stop, I'd write 'opposed'. It just looked odd to me. Review mine? http://www.bebo.com/Rubyandthelostsouls
	geplaatst door Mrs Brightside
	Review	459 dagen geleden
	This story deserves 5*'s! There isnt much else i can say, even with the few typo's that manage to slip through it still drags you into another world. I pictured your magical world like i was part of it, a citizen in another time. Everything got explained where i got confused, another brilliant story. Excellent descriptions of charecters and surroundings. i pictured Karamune perfectly, and the charecters powers. To top it off? the characters have magical powers which is sometimes hard to describe. *thumbs up* You made this story seem more like a movie then a story, it seemed just seemed so real! Phoenix xxx
	geplaatst door Ice Phoenix
	Review by NicTei. This is a Historic Document!!	461 dagen geleden
	Well, I found the idea of what you've got going here highly original, and I thought it worked well. As you did on Dungeon Spawn, I'm going to steal Chinaren's point and say that there were some typos, but I can't readily think of anything that could be tweaked. Main typo: OK. I know that it's a minor thing, but in a serious book, I think you'd be more likely to see it spelled 'Okay' instead of the letters. Other than that, it was either missing letters or flipped letters, like 'teh' instead of 'the', or 'e' instead of 'be'. Anyways, I found this enjoyable. Keep writing!
	geplaatst door NicTei
	Aww	483 dagen geleden
	Awww!!! Loved It!!! Sooo Bless!!! xxxx
	geplaatst door Cheza
	LIked it.	483 dagen geleden
	I already posted on Tomecity.com but I liked this. It has some typos and bits that could be tweaked, but I enjoyde reading it.
	geplaatst door China Ren