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Deja Vu
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Female,
54
- from United States
- Profile views: 4,408
- www.bebo.com/aimsn/insatiablevice
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- Me, Myself, and I
- (new sn insatiabledeja)
Prayer comes in many forms. Some pray for strength while others pray for love. To me they pray only to feed their greed. The only prayer I can remember was the random 'oh God!' while being bent over a bar. Sometimes I find myself staring at him wondering why he always calls me " His " Deja. Does it make them feel empowered to tag my ass in any way they can? I just nod and allow them to think what they will. You see, I've learned to not give a shit what you or anyone else thinks of me. I'm not here to impress anyone. I'm simply here because I was cursed into this world of lust and greed. Sin walks and talks and occasionally lets you think you have the upper hand.
Here's the kicker of it all. Pride, it's a hell of a thing. You know it's one of the seven deadly sins or so they say which would be a bad thing but on the other hand prides supposed to be good. Pride in ownership and the likes. - ..
- I can't tell you how many greedy little fingers touched my flesh with that very same pride.
Pride can make you settle for the status quo, when you want a whole lot more. Pride can convince you that you rate, when really your nothing at all. Makes me laugh sometimes when I think about it. Pride can make you flip off someone in an ass backwards way, but it could bite you in the end.
Or.. you can swallow your pride till you choke on it, and vow to never ever do it again. Pride is the last thing to go before the fall, and that last step could really leave a lasting impression or sometimes a pretty little scar. - .
- That was until he walked into my life and changed it all. My funny little Valentine.
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×°×`·.¸.·´ ×°×
- OOC
- ][ Guess what. I simply don't care. I'm here to write and enjoy others writing. Not babysit those that insist everything is about them. Peace ][
- The Other Half Of Me
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hate me..
Hate is such an easy emotion to stir in their souls. I'd rather you hate me than to ever tell me you love me again. Your anger will drive me and fuel the fires raging inside me. Feed the beast within me just one more time.
Adam went down so very easy. He should have never searched for that woman he once knew. She's been gone for a long time. He always tried to be that good guy. The beast inside him was just wanting free. I could tell by his goodbye that I won that round. No matter what happens now, he'll always hate me. Not just any hate. A hate that draws more blood and death upon his hands. The kind of hate that I want them all to have. He was almost too easy. I just have to fight these feelings back. Why there's a part of me with regret, I don't know. In the end he was just like all the others and got what he wanted.
Something always hapens at the coffee shop. It's like a magnet to my past. I've pulled myself away from everyone. No longer do I stay at the lounge nor do I stay anywhere near Elhoims place. I've got myself tucked away where no one will find me unless I let it happen. Selfish you say? I say, it's about time I was selfish. It is my nature afterall. My birthright as his daughter.
Thomas, oh so sweet Thomas. There was a time I'd believe every word that came off those sweet lips of yours. Don't try to fix this woman. You'll end up in the same place Adam ended up. I ruined him and I'll ruin you too. You can open my eyes all you wish but you don't want to open me. I've become something horrible. Something tainted by mans hand or better yet his devices. I'm not just a woman anymore. I'm the enemy. At least you've gotten a warning. Heed to it Thomas. Get out while you can.
Elhoim, oh dear Elhoim. I know that our paths will cross again one day and you'll have some excuse as to why but it's already too late. The damage has been done The ride was wonderful while it lasted but just like any other cheap nickle and dime affair, it too had to end . Should I thank you for opening my eyes to who I really am? Oh trust me baby, I will one day. I'll be sure to write it out on the walls of the streets in your very own blood.
There couldn't be a bigger warning label across my ass. It doesn't read handle with care or slippery when wet No this one reads in big bold red letters. Do Not Feed The Animal . There is no do not cross yellow tape. Just the lure of her eyes. The grinding of her hips. The sweet symphany of her moans that leads to sudden and sure death.0 Comments 106 weeks
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I'd die for him ...
There's a place that I go that nobody knows, where a sweet escape awaits. There was a time I needed escape routes but more and more I find myself not wanting to escape. If I had known it was supposed to be like this long ago I would have searched this out. Guess it's true, when your not really looking is when it happens.
I welcome all of you to taste of my world. The salt of his fingertips never burn. Life actually tastes better with his touch. Pain used to be all I knew and felt but what's crazy is I almost can't even remember what those days were like. He's spoiled me in so many ways but for once in my life, the smile on my face isn't fake. The cries aren't from pain but from lust and love. Never imagined those two words could be in the same sentence. Never imagine there'd be Elhoim and Deja.
I find myself walking within my special rain forest still unable to take my mind off him. I feel like I should fear all of this being took from me in the blink of an eye but there is no fear. When I look into his eyes, I see the truth in his love. There's no one else that could ever take his place.
Sometimes at night I find myself watching him sleep. My eyes outline ever detail of his body whiles counting the seconds in his breaths. His scars tell stories of his life's journey and I can see deeper into him. I find myself wrapped up in his own life and forget about mine.
Never thought a man I fought with and wanted to hurt so badly would be the man I can't stand to be away from. I would sacrifice my own life for his and that knowledge has gotten out. He doesn't know it but there's been a price put on his head. Someone wants him out of my life and I can't put my finger on just who. I'll kill anyone behind this, mark my words. I vow to bring more pain to anyone that hurts him than one could ever imagine possible.
I live thru his love. I dare anyone to take away my happiness. I will find out who you are and mark my words, you've never seen a woman scorn until you've been in the fire of a woman in love.
- The pen dropped to the journals paper . Nails dug along the paper while her mind continued in thought of just how much she'd hurt someone over this man. She'd die for him, this much she knew. -0 Comments 116 weeks
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His Deja
So what if it hurts me? So what if I break down? I gotta find my place, find myself. I used to worry about just these things. That was before I opened my eyes. Before I stood to the side of that road in life and decided to stop watching my life pass me by. I may be a stranger on this road but I'm no longer a victim.
Honestly I never saw myself as part of any whole. This man however brings things out in me even I have to step back and ask myself, really? I don't know where he came from or how he found me but I can't even imagine my life without him. He could so easily break my heart. There's times I want to hate him just to prepare myself. Prepare for what? The part I've always played of the broken girl. The truth has to come around eventually.
I can tell myself this all I want but he's in there. He's in my heart and as afraid I get that he'll walk away, I can't take a breath without him. I don't wanna love him. I'm at a place I thought I'd never be. Living in a world that's all about us. Elhoim, what have you done? Don't you know how dangerous it is to play in my world? You see all of my past jumping out in front of us and you simply grin. So strong, so sure, so intent on burning your name into my flesh. Marking me as yours for eternity.
The crazy thing here, I let him. He takes me away to another place. He's created a world that's all about us. A sweet surrender where he doesn't give up on me even if I forget who I am. He doesn't let me stay here alone. There is no one else that could ever take his place. He keeps me needing him, longing for him. Even as strong as he is, I could hold a mirror up and everything I feel, I know he feels as well. This world he has shown me, all the colors of love. His love shines a way into paradise. I live through him. I am, his Deja.
How many men do you know that can create a rain forest just for you? How many men do you know that can accept all of you? How many men do you know that can simply live. I know the only one I ever want or need to know. He is, My Valentine.0 Comments 117 weeks
You make me strong, you make me weak, you know the devil inside of me. If everything is nothing and all of this ends I see no reason for us to pretend. I want to go further I want to get in. Inside you is everything and nothing's a sin. Time is torture and commitment's a trap... I can write a wicked poem, but it's really just crap. Truly I miss you... Demon or not.
I feel that you should be at my finger tips... Yet everytime I reach, I find nothing but the nothingness that continues to remind me my heart is without your hands to warm it....
A special delivery of sterling roses and a box. Inside the box, a stunning pair of ruby tear drop earings. The roses came with a small card.
I need new bruises. Window's open.
Two years ago you changed the course of my life. A year ago, you did it again. Now, here you are and I'm ambivolent. I told you I can't forgive you. Anymore than I could forgive a rain drop for getting me wet. But do I have what it takes to hold the heart of a fallen angel? And would the attempt shatter what's left of my heart?
Yet your insanity is all that has kept me coming back. I miss you, my angel.
[Link] So I hear I need some more sexy bitches in the Lounge. Well I guess I'll work on that now that I'm back. See you soon mom!
[Link] Psstttt...hey...if I promise to stick around this time, would you let me knock you up again? How about a lil' hell princess this time hmmmm?
[picture mail]: Your granddaughter is definantly one of us. She came up to me today and wanted her picture taken and sent to 'bam-ma'. So here ya go, Momma.
[text]: Hey Mom. Need you to come by the club. Daddy'll be there, too. I need to see the both of you together. It's about Celeste. Can you please put your differences aside long enough for me to speak to the both of you at once? I love you, Momma. Your Alley Kat.. Always.
[text]
Ya know, one of these days, I'll learn to listen to you when it comes to men. That's ok though. I have my baby girl. And he can't ever take her away from me. I love you, Momma.
[voicemail]
"Momma, I'd like to see you. Today if possible. I think it's time to meet your granddaughter. I love you."
Click.
Mmm, but watching you makes me hurt and feel good in the best of ways baby. Don't worry, I'll be coming to claim that pussy of yours real soon. And how about Cerberus? He's a hell hound after all.
[Picture Mail]
Momma? I've missed you. I'm sorry I've stayed away for so long.. But.. You'll know why.. But to give you a hint..
I love you, Momma...
I heard you've been going on a rampage lately. Tsk, trying to get my dicks hard are we? As if you've ever had any trouble doing that. Anyway, here, I got you a puppy.
Ohhhh Motherrr. Your baby boy is looking for you and he's learned some things from Daddy. All good mind you. Alllll good.
[Reply Voicemail] I carry.. photo evidence. You, and a Star Bucks. You, and a friend.. I wounder if anyone would be interested in what I have?
[voicemail via iphone]: "Momma?", came that single word. But then it was followed by a minute or so of silence. Nothing in the background to indicate where Alley could be.
Deja would hear the unsure tone in her daughters voice in that single word.
"I miss you. And I'm sorry. I love you, Momma."
Then a click.
Deja heard the familiar voice of Santa. "I thought you may find this amusing" Picture was sent with the image of the mall they were at but more importantly was what was in front of it. A sign of saying banned from the premises indefinitely. Please alert the authorities if you see these two anywhere near the facility. There was a image of them right below those words. Of her with her ice sculptured pick threatening to due untold of things to the man dressed in a Santa Clause suit. Deja could imagine Elhoim's grin as the voice mail continued. "Unfortunately if we desire to head to that mall it's out of the question legally speaking. Though I am sure we can find better places to have you threaten my poor ass, which I still have yet to receive punishment for. Candy....Cane"
[ Voicemail ] : Mon amour. Ah've been missin' yo' body pressed against mine. Ah'll make sho' ta' see ya' tomorrow. 'Cause I know ya've been missin' da' warmth of ma' touch as it caresses yo' skin. Expect me tomorrow. Ah' hope ya' can stand da' heat. 'Cause Ah'll be supplyin' da' f i r e
[ Voicemail ]: Hey Deja. This is Sinner. I just wanted you to know that you're one badass bitch, no matter what anybody says. And, she has every right to feel intimidated by you. So.. uh.. Can I borrow a few bucks? [ She laughed. What a jokester, right? ]