Pupil one: Do you hear what we 'erd, right, there's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin.

Pupil two: Wossat then? A train?

Pupil three: She's not married or nuffink. But she's got this boyfriend Joe, innit? He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib down Nazaref. Well anyways, one day right Mary meets this bloke Gabriel right.

Pupil two: Gabriel? What sorta name's that den?

Pupil one: Dunno, sounds Chavvy to me.

Pupil two: Innit! Bruv.

Pupil three: She's like 'Ooo ya looking at?' Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally gobsmacked.

Pupil two: Innit?

Pupil one: She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

Pupil two: Yeah right! Bet she was a right goer.

Pupil three: Well, see the thing is she hadn't bin wiv no-one. Honest! So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Bacardi breezers an' that. She's like 'Orright, Mary. I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed.

Pupil two: Think of all the extra benefits an' that that they are gonna get. Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right.

Pupil one: Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponce a donkey an' go dahn Beflehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah?

Pupil two: No surprised, I'd wanna pint an all.

Pupil one: Nah, to have her bay-bee an' that.

Pupil two: What, have the kid in the pub? That's outers, people in the pub having a quiet pint then in comes this bird screaming and hollering 'n stuff. Put me off me drink that would!

Pupil three: Shut up will ya! See the fing is there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that.

Pupil two: On that's gross, near turned my guts that as!

Pupil three: Well then, these free geezers turn up, looking proper bling wiv crowns on their 'eads. They're like 'Respect, baby-bee Jesus,' an' say they're wise men from the East End.

Pupil two: What Minty and the Mitchell brothers?

Pupil one: On shut up! Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas, and Burberry?'

Pupil two: On yeah, that's proper stuff to give to a kid.

Pupil three: Well. Then blow me, some Welsh bloke's turn up wiv a sheep, well it's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sex he's got another message from this Lord geezer.

Pupil two: Shoulda used his mobile, he sounds a proper nutter.

Pupil three: Shut it! Anyways he's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin' all the baby-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.

Pupil one: Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' down Egypt on a minging donkey.'

Pupil two: Wouldn't get me on no minging donkey. Went on one at Margate in the summer, it proper stunk.

Pupil one: Will you give it a rest? Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.' So they go down Egypt till they've stopped killin' the first-born an' it's safe an' that. Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.

Pupil two: Wicked! Wherdya hear about all this den?

Pupil one: Dunno, can't remember.

Pupil two: Well what yous getting for Christmas this year?

Pupil three: Dunno, perhaps a bita bling. I don't see wat all the fuss is about Christmas, it's just an excuse to get stuffed and fall asleep in front of the telly innit?

Pupil two: Yeah bruv. Innit?

One] Who was your last text from?
Julie

[Two] Where was your default picture taken at?
Disney made it!

[Three] What's your middle name?
Marion. It's my Mummy's name

[Four] Your current relationship status?
Single

[Five] Does your crush(s) like you back?
What crush?

[Six] Give a letter that's in your crush's name!
Pffft

[Seven] Do you think your crush will read this?
I didn't think boys used Bebo?

[Eight] What color shirt are you wearing?
Purple

[Nine] What was the last thing you drank?
Water

[Ten] If you could go back in time and change something, Would you?
Nah, what's the point in wondering?

[Eleven] Have a crazy side?
I surely do!

[Twelve] Ever had a near death experience?
Not really. Driving with Cathie probably counts

[Thirteen] Something you do a lot?
Bebo

[Fourteen] Angry at anyone?
Nope

[Fifteen] Do you wanna see somebody right now?
Yes. You know who.

[Sixteen] Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Sean

[Seventeen] When was the last time you cried?
Far too often for my liking

[Eighteen] Who would you do anything for?
A few people. Not many, but a few. I can think of two off the top of my head.

[Nineteen] Who is your idol?
Kon Kuiper

[Twenty] What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Thier hair. And their arms... Yum

[Twenty-one] What do you usually order from starbucks?
GREEN TEA FRAPPACHINO!!! MMMM TASTY!!

[Twenty-two] What's your biggest secret?
Ha! Noone knows.

[Twenty-three] Where is your ex?
Which one?

[Twenty-four] Favorite movie?
V for Vendetta

[Twenty-five] Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
Of course I do!

[Twenty-six] What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Nothing. I'm in the library

[Twenty-seven] Do you speak any other language?
I can crank out a bit of the old Latin

[ Twenty-eight] Whats your favorite smell?
Ha!

[Twenty-nine] Describe your life in two words, What would it be?
Typical, entertaining

[Thirty] Have you ever kissed in the rain?
No

[Thirty-one] Do u like the rain?
Yeah

[Thirty-two] What are you thinking about right now?
What am I always thinking about?

[Thirty-three] What should you be doing?
Studying

[Thirty-four] What did you eat last night?
I don't remember

[Thirty-five] What are you listening to?
The general library noise

[Thirty-six] Do you like working in the yard?
Urk

[Thirty-seven] What was the last text you sent?
"I do not see you."

[Thirty-eight] Do you act differently around the person you like?
Who is this mysterious person?

[Thirty-nine] What is your natural hair colour?
Brown

[Fourty] Who was the last person to make you smile?
My mummy

High school started at 8.30 but now anything before noon is "early"

Theres more beer than food in the fridge.

You can do a thousand things with mince, and have worked out the perfect way to cook 2 minute noodles.

You get more sleep in class than in bed.

The weekend lasts from thursday to monday.

You have numbers in your phone under names like Sketchy Sam and Alcohol Guy.

You know the exact closing times of all the fast food places in town.

You buy $6 bottles of wine.

You only do laundry once youve run out of clean underwear.

You go to the supermarket more than three times a week.

You've charged 50 cents to your eftpos card.

Finding strangers asleep on your couch is nothing out of the ordinary.

You try to study but procatinate by eating, cleaning, or rearranging your room again.

Atleast 20% of your furniture is made from crates.

Finding a dollar on the ground is the highlight of your day.

Your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself a packet of noodles.

Someone leaves a cup/plate in your flat and you hide it before they ask for it back.

You stock up on condiments like sugar and tomato sauce sachets.

If youre in auckland, and you dont have a car, then you probably have holes in your shoes.

You try to steal rolls of other peoples toilet paper.

Getting mail is like christmas.

You talk about drinking games like theyre sports.

You have 3 couches and none of them match.

You ask people what YOU did last night.

You've travelled home with bags full of dirty clothes.

The only purpose your table has now is to play beer pong.

You actually know how to play beer pong.

Sometimes you wear earplugs to bed.

Bicycles dont seem so lame anymore.

You skip one class to write a paper for another.

You attend meetings and join clubs for the free food.

You frequently ask things like, "Can i pay $1.30 in cash and 70 cents on eftpos?"

It takes preparation.. and 3 people.. to take out the rubbish.

You can come up with many ways to turn any game into a drinking game.

Printers break down when you desperately need them.

You have a secret stash of toilet paper in your wardrobe.

You consider mcdonalds "Real Food"

Youve paid for things over $5 with a huge pile of 20 and 50 cent coins.

You see people taking naps in the library or in carringtons and no longer think its strange.

Theres always a "question kid" in all your classes and you wish someone would tell them to shut the hell up.

Youve eaten cereal out of a cup... With a fork.

You read to the end of this and then think of ways to procrastinate next.