TOP 10 WAYS TO BE THE FUNNIEST GUY IN YOUR OFFICE

10. Keep telling the same person they have bad breath even if they
don't, and then punch them in the face.

9. Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everyone gives you
the sympathy remarks, tell everyone you were kidding and call them a
bunch of queers.

8. Before a meeting, fill your mouth with custard. In the meeting
pretend you're hocking up a loogie, spit it into a glass and hand it to
the person next to you and say "BEAT THAT!"

7. Inform a male co-worker that he would make a good hooker, then piss
in his coffee and tell him he needs a good ass F**king.

6. Always walk around with a big smile and keep one hand down the front
of your pants.

5. Answer every question with "F**ked if I know...", then call the
person a racial slur that doesn't even match their race

4. Brag about the fact that you carry a gun, and keep playing with your
nuts. Get them really sweaty and go around shaking everyone's hand.

3. Run down the hall with your d1ck out spraying p1ss everywhere
yelling
"It wont stop! God help me it wont stop!" Then when it does, look down
and say, "Oh! I must have broke it."

2. Ask to borrow a co-worker's expensive pen- Bring it to the bathroom
and stick it up your @ss- return it to the person and tell them that it
smells bad and tell them to smell it - when they say that it smells,
say
"Well, it should - - I had it up my @ss!"

1. Sh1t on your office floor and when someone comes in and sees it tell
them it's the fake rubber kind. When they try to pick it up and realize
that their hand is full of real sh!t - - laugh and embarrass him in
front of everyone.

HOW TO TREAT A GAL!


1. when she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes. and girls love that.

2. never hold her hand. this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. girls are like dogs. they love to be roughed up.

4. call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. if she is say you better be , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. this will show her you care.

5. when she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. this will pave the way for her own personal improvement. and every girl needs some improvement.

6. recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. if youre talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words @#%$ you and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. tell her you're taking her out to dinner. drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. then take her to a burning tire yard. when she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. then drive her home. when she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. introduce her to your friends as "some chick". women love those special nicknames.

10. play with her hair. play with it HARD.

11. warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." the best way to get warm is with fear.

12. make her laugh. a good way to do this is if she has a small pet. kick the pet. i always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn't girls?

13. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

14. if you care about her never ever tell her. this will only give her self confidence. then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

15. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say no shes not hungry. make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

16. look her in the eyes and smile. then clock her one. girls love a spontaneous guy.

17. give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. a bad smell. you know what i'm talking about.

18. if youre listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious.

19. remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects arent important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

this is for dee im not really like this

Hi girls and boys,

Generally, I hate the warnings that get sent around but I have to admit
that this one is serious.
Please protect everyone you know by sending this to your entire email
list.
If someone comes to your front door and says they are conducting a survey
and asks you to show them your bum

Do NOT show them your bum - it is a scam. They only want to see your bum.

I wish I'd got this yesterday, I feel so stupid and cheap.