Savage Jokes


Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

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Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

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Q. What's the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

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Q. What's the definition of macho?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

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Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

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Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it's worth it!

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Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

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Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

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Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?


A. Their balls are just for decoration.

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Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?

A. About three inches.

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Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?

A. For traction in the mud.

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Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.

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Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.

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Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

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Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 pounds.

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Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

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Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

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Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

A. The swallow.

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Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

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Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

A . They don't have balls to scratch!

newcastle west slang
NCW Slang

TRANSLATIONS 4 OUTSIDERS!!!

Please come here, - C'mere I want ya.

My runners smell, - Naful smill auf me tackies,

Sorry I didn't quite catch that, - Oi wat ar u sayin.

I was slightly drunk, - I was langers last nite.

How are you ! - How's it goin sham !

You silly person - Ya goul ya

You really are a silly person - Ya goul bag.

I'm afraid that I can't go for that, - I will en me ring

Let's go out and get drunk - will we go on the batter?

May I have a bag of chips with garlic dressing - givus a garlic
chipancheese

You unlawful person - f*ckin' scobe

There was quite a lot of people - there was a rake of people

Running up the street - burnin' up the road

Will you make love to me - gifs the ride

Do you understand me - nowah mean man

I will fight you - i'll claim ya

Theres a swimming pool in the house - poolnalnit

Please leave now - goway ou avit

Run away now - do a legger man

Have you got a cigarette - giz a fag boss

Be quiet - whishtt

Can you ride a horse - canya jock a horse

Hello, I met you before in a pub but I can't remember your name -
How we doin Bud.....

Sorry, I didn't quite catch that - whatru sayin.....

How are you doing - Well, ow we gettin on

You are a silly person - u lala

You really are a silly person - your some lala

Jennifer, would you come here please - Jen-Fer cmere i
wan cha

Lets drive up and down Maiden Street in our Johnny Go Fast cars at
3.30am with the 1 petrol we have in the car - mon, we go cruisin'.

If you continue to talk to me in that tone of voice I will hit you
-cape it up now and I'll bust you

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The Alco's Prayer


We believe in one drink, Guinness the
almighty
Makers of cans and bottles
Of all that is drunk and un-drunk
We believe in one brewer, Arthur
The only son of Guinness
Eternally begotten of the hops
Hops from hops, barley from barley
True drink from true drink
Begotten not made
Of one distillery of the Father
Through it all things were made
For us men and our salvation
It comes down from St. James Gate
By the power of the market he became
incarnate
And was made a rich man
For our sake we are crucified under
Pontious Prices
Bad pints, suffer hangovers and A.A.
meetings
On the next day we rise again in
accordance
With our scruples and ascend into oblivion
We come again to judge the living and the
dead
We believe in one alcoholic beverage

Brewed and bottled under one licence
We acknowledge one Arthur, son of the
almighty pint
Conceived in heaven and sold on earth
Blessed is the one drink through one
father and many sons
Sold under one label and distributed
throughout the world
We look for the resurrection of new drinks
And a cure for hangovers.
Amen
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