Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical
Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is
known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his
final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his
Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or
endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:



"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some
mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at
what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls
leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell,
it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's
look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of
these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion,
then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these
religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death
rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to
increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law
states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay
the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay
constant. Two options exist:

1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase
until all hell breaks loose.
2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes
over.

So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan
during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I
sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT
succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be
true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.

A suit filed in District Court in Hawaii demands that the U.S. halt construction of the Large Hadron Collider (L.H.C.), the $8-billion accelerator on the Franco-Swiss border, on the grounds that it will cause the destruction of Hadrons. According to the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) the Ring-tailed Hadron is a protected species and should not be used for scientific exploration.
Scientists believe the L.H.C. could reveal the nature of matter and confirm physicists' best guesses about the validity of string theory. These would be advances comparable to Einstein's or Newton's. But this research is not with a cost. According to the scientists operating the Large Hadron Collider the device will have a nearly insatiable appetite for Hadrons. Over the estimated life of the collider an estimated 25,000 Hadrons will be consumed.

Ingrid Newkirk, speaking on behalf of the group she founded, explained the cost in Ring-tailed Hadrons is not worth the possible scientific advancements. "Peta researchers believe the operation of the Large Hadron Collider will lead to the complete extinction of the Ring-tailed Hadron."

Newkirk admitted that she doesn't understand why the Large Collider was designed to use the Ring-tailed Hadron. "The thought of those cute fuzzy Hadrons being accelerated to near light speed only to be impacted. It is just heart breaking."

I- Thou Shalt Nap
And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift of napping. God said to him, you shall spend half your day napping. You shall nap in class, in your room and in your friend's room. And God said, if you don't nap, you will not be able to stay up all night drinking. And Student said, nap I shall, and it was good.

II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time
Now God said to Student, you must be sick all of the time. And Student asked why. And God said unto him, you shall share drinks, stay up too late, drink too much and get off with people you don't know. Therefore, God said, you shall be sick all year round. But God said, blessed are the sick for they have partied the hardest. And it was good.

III- Thou Shalt Not Attend Lectures
And Student asked, will this sickness affect my studies? And God said unto him, yes, but thou shalt skip classes for lesser reasons. You will skip classes because it is raining and you cannot find your umbrella. You will skip classes because you are too lazy to walk across campus. You shall sleep through your morning lectures and nap through the afternoons. Blessed are those that succeed, and those who do not shall resit the year or switch to Sociology. And Student understood God’s wisdom, and it was good.

IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie
And then Student asked how he should make himself look like a university student. And God said unto student, you must wear a hoodie, for it is a useful garment. And you shall never wash it either. Student asked God, what kind of hoodie should it be? And God said, you shall own many of varying colours and creeds. And Student was pleased and God was pleased.

V- Thou Shalt Abuse the Library
And God gave unto Student another gift, in the form of the Library. And He said, fear not, Student, it will not be demanded of you that you use this gift to catch up on missed lectures. You may visit with this intention, but your time will be spent surfing the Internet. You shall speak with your numerous fellow Students, and smoke. And God said, if you do not honour this gift, and if you use the Library to further your studies, I shall smite you. And the Student saw that God was right, and it was good.

VI- Thou Shalt Respect the Cheeky One
And Student then asked of God, surely I must study sometimes, or I cannot be a true Student? And God in His wisdom replied, yes, it is true that Student must study. And Student did not like this, and began to weep, and God said unto him, Student, fear not the occasional class, for study you must. But to ease the pain, you shall honour the tradition of the Cheeky One, which will make the study more bearable, and help you to spend your student loan. God said, alcohol is another gift to you: it makes anything good better and anything bad more tolerable. And after your Cheeky One, you shall return to your home, and nap. And Student dried his eyes and thanked God for his generosity, and it was good.

VII- Thou Shalt Get Laid
Student then asked of sex. And God said, Student, you shall get laid and be happy. You shall go home with random people every weekend and forget about them the next day. You shall see them at class and be awkward amongst their company. You shall exchange saliva at bars and parties and it will be good. And Student became gleeful and God told Student to wrap it up because He knows where she has been, but Student does not.

VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings
Student inquired of his spare time and God reminded him that he should be napping. But Student said he wanted to do other things. So God said unto him, you shall join a club at the beginning of the semester, but then never go to meetings. And Student asked why he should not go to meetings, and God told him, because they are gay. And Student understood His wisdom.

IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused
God said to Student, there will come many a day when you shall wake up in the bed of another and not know where you are. You will