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Boris autobiography



"A fun filled world full of bad grammer and spelling mistakes"-Neil

"inspiring tale of the use of a face" -Pepe

"An excellent read, 100enius. A truely compelling story from rags to jockstrap and back to rags again" -Ewan

"Truly a masterpiece of modern literature! If it was any more extravegantly detailed with eloquence I'd explode in an ocean of Literary Joy!"

"Or...Something completely different?" -Mike

"It's so good I came... twice." -Lee

When young Boris sold as slave by father. As child Boris was made to work on road of bones. This give boris much time to think of his lost family and how much he wish to honor his father. Physical labour make him strong and dodging masters punches make him agile. One day Boris run from master. He move very fast and outrun guard.till he rach fence. But fence no match for might y boris. Boris jump fence in one leep. Passer by much impressed by Boris. He put Boris in for gymnastics contest. Boris beat all puny opposition and win sparkly gold meddel. boris love Sparkly meddle. He want many more. Man put Boris forwards for olimpic games. Boris get chosen to represent the mother land in great gymnastic event. Many people watch from far away even in America (capatilist pigs). Boris win many shinny gold meddels and bring much honor to his family . boris father very pleased whith him and love him very much. Boris even meat Stalin. That was Boris proudest moment. Then one day Boris only get silver meddel. this bring boris much shame. He hate judges very much. He kill many people infront of the world.Boris father so shamed he kill himself. Boris very sad about this. he steel fathers body and hide it in siberia to keep it fresh. Boris caught by comrades who hate boris for the shame he bring on Mother Russia. Boris sent to work down uranium mine. In mine boris testacles shrink to sise of raisons. Boris get so mutated he can scratch his back with his back. Boris see many pother comrade die in mine but boris is strong. he survive by sleeping with fallen comerades corpses. then boris remember of old times when he could win shinny gold meddles. This make boris happy and long for father. Boris escape from uranium mine and go to fathers body. It be kept fresh well. but Boris cannot keep body with him all the time. But boris want father close to him all the time. Then Bopris have good idea. Boris uese fathers face as jockstrap. then boris run from the mother land to Britain where all exiles go. Boris find this new and dangerous and whithout mony boris go hungry. wtih mutations from uranium mine boris not gt any job so go even hungryer. One day when boris going to break into house to steel food boris mistaken for baby sitter by blind family who run very fast. Boris then look after baby. he phone family to tell them that their baby is ok and tht he will phone them if their baby is not ok. baby very happy with boris. When blind couple return home they are very happy that baby is happy and not hungry. Boris say he fed th baby with his own milk. Blind couple very scared by this and wish they could see boris. boris offer them some of his many eyes but this makes couple call police and thay hunt boris but boris is too fast to be caught so boris escape but boris baby sitting job finished. now boris left to give head for vodka and is no longer seen during day. Boris now very scared and ashamed of himself. he brought much shame to his fathers face which he still used as jockstrap. Police often chace boris but with his extra limbs he very fast. One day passer by make him into great gymnast once more .with extra limbs boris win many shinny gold meddels and he now great gymnast once more bringing much pride to father so now boris do all gymnastics wearing only fathers face as jockstrap

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