Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil.

Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

Q. Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
A. When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.

Q. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
A. He decided to stick it out for one more year!

Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?
A. Dress her up as an alter boy

Q. How do you say 69 in Chinese?
A. Twocanchew (two can chew).

Q. Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

Q. What is the first sign of AIDS?
A. A pounding sensation in the ass.

Q. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q. Why do female skydivers wear jock straps?
A. So they don't whistle on the way down.

Q. What is better than a cold Bud?
A. A warm bush.

Q. What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common ?
A. You don't look down.

Q. How do you get four old ladies to shout "Fuck"?
A. Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"

Q. What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?
A. Snowballs.

Q. Why do bunnies have soft sex?
A. They have cotton balls

Q. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
A. Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

Q. How do you catch a squirrel?
A. Climb a tree and act like a nut!

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
A. A sour puss!

Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.

Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. Cell phones.

Q. Where do polar bears vote?
A. The North Poll

Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.

Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.

Q. Why did the tomato turn red?
A. It saw the salad dressing!

Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine!

Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
A. Odor in the court.

Q. What did the water say to the boat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.

Q. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A. Dam!

Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A. They don't have the guts.

Q. What has four legs but can't walk?
A. A table!

Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and quackers!

Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses!

Q. What do you call cheese that is not yours?
A. Nacho Cheese

Q. What is the best day to go to the beach?
A. Sunday, of course!

Q. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? 55555546
A. Every morning you'll rise and shine!

Q. What happens to cows during an earthquake?
A. They give milk shakes!

Q. Why did the jelly wobble?
A. Because it saw the milk shake!

Q. What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".

Q. What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
A. A hole!

Q. Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
A. Because he was sitting on the deck!

Q. Why did the traffic light turn red?
A. You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!

Q. What do lawyers wear to court?
A. Lawsuits!

Q. What breaks when you say it?
A. Silence!

Q. What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
A. Post Office!

Q. What did the blanket say to the bed?
A. Don't worry, I've got you covered!

Q. What kind of button won't unbutton?
A. A bellybutton!

Q. Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
A. To get to the second hand shop.

Q. Why did the picture go to jail?
A. Because it was framed.

Q. Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep?
A. So he could have sweet dreams.
Q. Why did the robber take a bath?
A. Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.

Q. What can you serve but never eat?
A. A volleyball.

Q. What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
A. Sneakers.

Q. Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A. I better not tell you, it might spread.

Q. What gets wetter the more it dries?
A. A towel.

Q. How do you communicate with a fish?
A. Drop him a line!

Q. What kind of dog tells time?
A. A watch dog!

Q. What has one horn and gives milk
A. A milk truck.

Q. What do bulls do when they go shopping?
A. They CHARGE!

Q. What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in?
A. A water bed!

Q. Why did the barber win the race?
A. Because he took a short cut.

Q. What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas?
A. A ladder in her stocking!

Q. What is a tornado?
A. Mother nature doing the twist!