I keep having my profile on that dating website "Match.com" rejected.
One of the questions is, "What do you want in a woman?".
Apparently "my c ** k" is not an acceptable answer.
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A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, "you've all got one
minute to get out!"
The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, "You b@#$%&*!"
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Why are women like clouds? Eventually they disappear and its a really
nice day.
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Whats the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on.
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A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat
Chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to
him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bi tch."
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My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood
rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I
am in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on her forehead.
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I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to
check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
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Zebo, a half blind five year old south african orphan, has to ride 7
miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels
and no brakes. Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you
the video, it's f ***king hilarious....
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I had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating
shuttlecocks.
Bad minton.
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Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate "My mother-in-law is an
angel".
His dude replies "You're so f ** cking lucky... Mine is still alive..."
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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; F@#$% off, you won't bring it back.
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Two men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts
over 10 minutes.
"Crikey mate, that was impressive!"
"I get lots of practice" replied the other guy. "My wifes epileptic"