14 things to do in Tesco whilst your other half is shopping

01. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's trolleys when
they arn't looking.

02. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals

03. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies
toilet.

04. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: Code 3 in
Housewares... and see what happens.

05. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on credit.

06. Move a 'CAUTION -WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

07. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department
and tell other shoppers you
are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the
bedding Department.

08. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why
can't you people just leave me alone?"

09. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your
nose.

10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if he
knows where the anti-depressants are located.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme
from Mission Impossible.

12. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browsethrough,say: "PICK
ME!!! PICK ME!!!"

13. When an announcement comes over the
loudspeaker, hit the floor and
assume the foetal position and scream "NO! ........It's those voices
again!!!"

And last but not least:

14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here."

1.Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and
got married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The
bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start
anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a
salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to
the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green
Grass of Home.'" That sounds like Tom Jones
Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not
Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a
field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially
inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you,"says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims
Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this
bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the
other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious
accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The
doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off
your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and
pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one
turns to the other and says "Dam!".

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it
sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a
hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
them to disperse.
"But why,"they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for
adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egyptand is named "Ahmal." The
other goes to a family in Spain; they name him
"Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan,
you've seen Ahmal."

You never close your eyes any more
When I kiss your lips
And there's no tenderness like before
In your fingertips
You're trying hard not to show it baby
But baby, baby I know it

You've lost that loving feeling
Oh, that loving feeling
You've lost that loving feeling
Now it's gone, gone, gone
Whoa-oh

Now there's no tenderness
In your eyes when I reach for you
And girl you're starting to criticize
little things I do
It makes me just feel like crying baby
'Cause baby, something beautiful's dying

You've lost that loving feeling
Oh that loving feeling
Bring back that loving feeling
Now it's gone gone gone
And I can't go on
No-oh-oh

Baby baby I get down on my knees for you
If you would only love me like you used to do
We had a love
A love a love you don't find every day
So don't...don't...don't let it slip away

Bring back that loving feeling
Oh, that loving feeling
Bring back that loving feeling
Now it's gone..gone..gone